Have I told you about my trip to Brazil?
Let's have coffee sometime so I can tell you all about it. I'll tell you about the cities I visited, the food, the people I encountered, and the sites of Rio de Janeiro. And when we're done, you'll understand Brazil the way I do, and it'll save you a trip. It will be just as if you were with me.
Except that you won't understand Brazil the way I do, just as I don't understand Brazil the way someone who was raised there does. Being told about something is a far cry from experiencing it. That's obvious. So why do we teach the Bible this way?
It happens on two levels. One is when we, as teachers, study and digest the material so thoroughly in our preparation that we spoon-feed kids the "main point" or the "lesson" of every story. The other is when we teach at the level of story - focusing too much on details about the characters (such as that Lydia of Acts 16 sold purple cloth) or the setting (the temple was overlaid with gold) - and never raise things to the level of God, which is to say the consistency of his will and his character.
We like knowing that kids "got it", and that's why quizzing is so common in ministry to kids. But the Bible doesn't work like that. A friend from Georgia recently observed (at our conference in Brazil) that we read for two reasons: to be informed, or to be entertained. But the Bible stands alone in that its purpose is neither to inform, nor to entertain, but to lead us into relationship with God. Big difference. God is the main character in the Bible - not humans. So to reduce every Bible passage to a "lesson" (and ignore those that don't easily fit our teaching scheme) about what we should do - the fundamental essence of character education - cheapens the Bible and minimizes God.
Instead, the Bible is like rich, healthy food, and its truths are the nutrients. You and I can each consume an apple, but how the apple is digested and how it works to nourish and strengthen either of us is a bit different. You and I would benefit from eating that apple. But would the benefit look exactly the same? No.
When we teach the Bible in an overly academic way, we sacrifice the real prize for something less. And it's easy to fall into that trap: Kids are learning the Bible. Well, yes - and no. What if the product of good Bible teaching isn't a large store of knowledge, but a healthy attitude towards the Bible, a curiosity and a willingness to know more? Maybe we'd tell less and invite kids to experience God more.
So while you might want to hear about my trip to Brazil, and I'd like to tell you, my real hope is that you would someday see it for yourself. Any account of my trip that encourages you to do that is worthwhile; any account that bores you or that shares so much it diminishes your drive to go there is counterproductive.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
What Surge is All About
Originally posted as "The Purpose of Surge", October 2013
Seven years ago, as I was sifting through a mountain of details, I had a moment of what I'd call Big Picture Insight. Only the insight was a question, which I scribbled down and which gnawed away at me in the years to come. The question was, simply, "What's the best tangible benefit a kid can take away from their involvement in our weekend programs?"
Is it some nugget of truth? The ability to express and defend their faith? The books of the Bible, memorized? Is it a warm feeling toward church? Same-age relationships? Is it a chance to serve others?
It turns out the answer is something that sounds about as cliched as it can be: it's God. [The answer is always "God" in church, isn't it?]
So that's the task. How do we get these kids to God, and get God to these kids? Not information about God - that's relatively easy. Scores of young people are walking away from churches with lots of knowledge about God. Many of them think they have a handle on God: he's ancient, he's static, and he's pretty much irrelevant to now. (When we make church too much like school, it's inevitable that kids will at some point feel "done" because after all, school is something you eventually finish and then move on.)
No, the objective has to be nothing less than kids encountering God. And we want it to happen often, again and again. It might be in our room, or in the quietness of their own bedrooms at home. It might be in a moment of adversity, or at a camp, or standing in Yosemite. It might be in the midst of family, surrounded by people who love them, or in the loneliest moment of their lives. But God is there, and they meet him.
But how do we get kids to God, and God to kids?
First, we need to recognize and affirm that God is alive. And as such, he is active. Do we really believe in a God who is everywhere and can do anything? Because the modern cultural narrative is that God isn't anywhere and can't do anything, or at most, that God is somewhere and will hopefully act when we want him to.
Exposing that lie does not happen by skillful argumentation. It's not the product of logical proofs or flashy showmanship. God can use all of those things, but it isn't really until he reaches beyond our efforts to touch an individual human soul that a person really encounters God. God is working specifically to reach your kid right now. He is trying all sorts of ways and using all sorts of things.
Secondly, we need to find where God is, and take kids there. I'll never forget the first time I saw a dad teaching his daughter to surf. This North Dakota boy just assumed surfing was learned the hard way, by trial and error, but that day at the beach, I saw exactly what the dad was doing. He was waist-deep in the water, holding the back of the surfboard, guiding his daughter into the wave - and then letting go and letting the wave do the work of carrying her. Because, really, how could it work any other way? If the dad held on too long, or kept her away from the waves, or pushed the board all the way to shore, or never let go, we wouldn't really say the girl had surfed, would we?
Now think about God and your kid. God is always at work. We don't create anything. What we do is steer kids into "the wave" and let it carry them. "Spiritual" growth comes from the Spirit. If God's not in a God encounter, it isn't a God encounter. And He will do the work, if we let him. And that's the purpose of Surge: to come alongside the work God is already doing in each 4th, 5th, and 6th grader and create some "spiritual momentum" by continually putting them in God's path.
What does a God encounter look like? Well, you know it when you see it. For one thing, it's pretty personal. You'll see kids gain insights and act in ways that show you they've connected with something beyond themselves. For another, it's unpredictable - you really can't manufacture it. It's not uncommon for kids at this age to go through a period of fascination with God. They suddenly have lots of questions, and they get into reading the Bible or other Christian literature. What's happening? They're meeting him, in a way we can't engineer, but we can only nurture. Nurture doesn't mean ignore, but it means we don't push too hard and we don't try to control it (the wave is the wave; it will do what it will) . Sometimes the best thing we can do is get out of the way of what God is trying to do!
That's how I see our weekend ministry, our midweek ministry, our camps, our outreach events (like KidsGames)...all of them are "teeing up" potential God encounters, and building the infrastructure for continued God encounters years down the road. That doesn't mean everything we do is stained glass and pipe organs (come to think of it, none of what we do is stained glass and pipe organs), things that would actually stand in the way of people meeting God. A lot of what we do might not look incredibly "churchy". It may even be fun! But that's ok, because God and fun are not mutually exclusive. I don't want kids growing up thinking that all of God's stuff is gloomy and sad and serious. Nor do I want them to think that if fun or smiling or laughter is involved, God can't be in it. Do you?
But there's a longer-term goal associated with Surge, too. It is that one day we might see a generation of adult Christians who are unhindered in their worship of God: not weighed down by debt, addiction, dysfunctional relationships, materialism, isolation, workaholism, narcissism, etc. In a word, I want to see a generation that is free. "It is for freedom that you have been set free," the Apostle Paul writes, but how many of us have that freedom - our salvation - and still live under burdens that we cannot or will not shed? The better way is to live in fellowship with God - God in us, us in God - and be so deeply invested in that relationship that our lives grow rock-solid: God-centered, Spirit-filled, truth-founded, mission-minded, others-focused, and purpose-driven.
That's what we must ultimately train kids for. Lives like that do not come about overnight. And they will not happen unless kids start to meet Him.
Seven years ago, as I was sifting through a mountain of details, I had a moment of what I'd call Big Picture Insight. Only the insight was a question, which I scribbled down and which gnawed away at me in the years to come. The question was, simply, "What's the best tangible benefit a kid can take away from their involvement in our weekend programs?"
Is it some nugget of truth? The ability to express and defend their faith? The books of the Bible, memorized? Is it a warm feeling toward church? Same-age relationships? Is it a chance to serve others?
It turns out the answer is something that sounds about as cliched as it can be: it's God. [The answer is always "God" in church, isn't it?]
So that's the task. How do we get these kids to God, and get God to these kids? Not information about God - that's relatively easy. Scores of young people are walking away from churches with lots of knowledge about God. Many of them think they have a handle on God: he's ancient, he's static, and he's pretty much irrelevant to now. (When we make church too much like school, it's inevitable that kids will at some point feel "done" because after all, school is something you eventually finish and then move on.)
No, the objective has to be nothing less than kids encountering God. And we want it to happen often, again and again. It might be in our room, or in the quietness of their own bedrooms at home. It might be in a moment of adversity, or at a camp, or standing in Yosemite. It might be in the midst of family, surrounded by people who love them, or in the loneliest moment of their lives. But God is there, and they meet him.
But how do we get kids to God, and God to kids?
First, we need to recognize and affirm that God is alive. And as such, he is active. Do we really believe in a God who is everywhere and can do anything? Because the modern cultural narrative is that God isn't anywhere and can't do anything, or at most, that God is somewhere and will hopefully act when we want him to.
Exposing that lie does not happen by skillful argumentation. It's not the product of logical proofs or flashy showmanship. God can use all of those things, but it isn't really until he reaches beyond our efforts to touch an individual human soul that a person really encounters God. God is working specifically to reach your kid right now. He is trying all sorts of ways and using all sorts of things.
Secondly, we need to find where God is, and take kids there. I'll never forget the first time I saw a dad teaching his daughter to surf. This North Dakota boy just assumed surfing was learned the hard way, by trial and error, but that day at the beach, I saw exactly what the dad was doing. He was waist-deep in the water, holding the back of the surfboard, guiding his daughter into the wave - and then letting go and letting the wave do the work of carrying her. Because, really, how could it work any other way? If the dad held on too long, or kept her away from the waves, or pushed the board all the way to shore, or never let go, we wouldn't really say the girl had surfed, would we?
Now think about God and your kid. God is always at work. We don't create anything. What we do is steer kids into "the wave" and let it carry them. "Spiritual" growth comes from the Spirit. If God's not in a God encounter, it isn't a God encounter. And He will do the work, if we let him. And that's the purpose of Surge: to come alongside the work God is already doing in each 4th, 5th, and 6th grader and create some "spiritual momentum" by continually putting them in God's path.
What does a God encounter look like? Well, you know it when you see it. For one thing, it's pretty personal. You'll see kids gain insights and act in ways that show you they've connected with something beyond themselves. For another, it's unpredictable - you really can't manufacture it. It's not uncommon for kids at this age to go through a period of fascination with God. They suddenly have lots of questions, and they get into reading the Bible or other Christian literature. What's happening? They're meeting him, in a way we can't engineer, but we can only nurture. Nurture doesn't mean ignore, but it means we don't push too hard and we don't try to control it (the wave is the wave; it will do what it will) . Sometimes the best thing we can do is get out of the way of what God is trying to do!
That's how I see our weekend ministry, our midweek ministry, our camps, our outreach events (like KidsGames)...all of them are "teeing up" potential God encounters, and building the infrastructure for continued God encounters years down the road. That doesn't mean everything we do is stained glass and pipe organs (come to think of it, none of what we do is stained glass and pipe organs), things that would actually stand in the way of people meeting God. A lot of what we do might not look incredibly "churchy". It may even be fun! But that's ok, because God and fun are not mutually exclusive. I don't want kids growing up thinking that all of God's stuff is gloomy and sad and serious. Nor do I want them to think that if fun or smiling or laughter is involved, God can't be in it. Do you?
But there's a longer-term goal associated with Surge, too. It is that one day we might see a generation of adult Christians who are unhindered in their worship of God: not weighed down by debt, addiction, dysfunctional relationships, materialism, isolation, workaholism, narcissism, etc. In a word, I want to see a generation that is free. "It is for freedom that you have been set free," the Apostle Paul writes, but how many of us have that freedom - our salvation - and still live under burdens that we cannot or will not shed? The better way is to live in fellowship with God - God in us, us in God - and be so deeply invested in that relationship that our lives grow rock-solid: God-centered, Spirit-filled, truth-founded, mission-minded, others-focused, and purpose-driven.
That's what we must ultimately train kids for. Lives like that do not come about overnight. And they will not happen unless kids start to meet Him.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Can Kids Outgrow God?
Originally posted August 2011
During the last eight years of overseeing 4th-6th grade ministry at NCCC, I’ve had the parallel experience of watching my nieces and nephews grow up from babies to preschool and elementary school-aged kids. Through holiday visits, Skype, Facebook, and home videos I have been able to glimpse pieces of their faith development, and it’s been fascinating. I’ve observed prayers, Sunday school programs and songs, heard some Bible stories retold, and picked up some nuggets that reflect their young understanding of God’s big world and their place in it.
At the same time, I've witnessed each developmental stage and phase, and laughed with the rest of my family as the kids move from one obsession to the next. Blue, Dora, The Wiggles, Elmo, Spiderman, cowboys, and the Disney princesses have all had their day. But soon, each is eclipsed by the next favorite thing, and the old hero gets passed down to the next-youngest sibling. At their houses, Santa Claus is still alive and well at Christmas time. But this won’t last forever.
My hope, of course, is that their curiosity, interest, and affinity for God as they grow up will never go the way of Elmo. And that is my hope for your kid as well. It’s worth asking the question: Can kids outgrow God? Can he lose his currency, becoming yesterday’s news, just at the time when kids begin facing questions like, “Who am I?” and “What was I created for?” and “What am I worth?” Too many adults attempt to answer those questions with the very author of life shunted to the sidelines.
We dare not let that happen.
Does God live in storybooks?
I am a fan of Bible storybooks for young kids. Our family had one, and I still can recall “what Adam and Eve looked like,” and the fierceness of God’s wrath represented by a red sky, and the wily Jacob fooling his father into thinking he was Esau. Of course, those weren’t true pictures, but some artist’s rendering. But to me, they were “real." Young kids, being concrete thinkers, receive and store those early impressions and images for a long, long time. (When I was four, I thought our pastor and God were one and the same - probably the reason I still, without thinking, picture God having a red beard and not a gray one.) The downside to cartoonish representations, though, is that they can lead kids to believe that “Bible stories” and “Bible characters” were fictional. This is a symptom of a larger phenomenon that kids face as they grow. Bible storybooks are not the problem (not even a problem).
The issue is this: are kids’ conceptions of God allowed and encouraged to grow as they do?
We – the churches that serve them and the families that raise them – hold the key to the answer. To the extent that we “create” their understanding of God by the stories we tell, the symbols we use, the holidays we celebrate, and the way we worship (and countless other ways), kids’ knowledge of God is largely dependent on us. I do not deny that young children think thoughts about God completely on their own, nor that they can enjoy an unmediated relationship with him without any help from us. But that relationship does not exist in a vacuum. It is always culturally conditioned by the expressed thoughts and attitudes of the adults (that is, the authority figures) who run their world.
And so, we are responsible, not only for creating a picture of God that is true in their minds as young children, but also for continuing to refine and update kids’ views of God as they grow. If we are diligent about giving them Jesus when they are young, but then back off as they grow older, we run the risk that as kids grow up, they’ll consider God “kiddie stuff”, a relic from early childhood.
We dare not let that happen.
A different approach
As a kid becomes a preteen (and there’s no defining criteria for that), their ability to think and reason abstractly will blossom. As it does, they reach a junction in the development of personal faith. The question usually takes a form like, “Is God really real?” but what they’re actually asking is “Is God relevant?” As the serpent tempted Eve – “Did God really say you must not eat from any tree?” – kids also want to know whether God belongs only to the simple world they’re growing out of, or if he has a place in the more complicated world of the future? And if so, what is it?
About this same time, kids come to realize that parents and other adults aren’t perfect, that grown-ups break promises, aren’t superhuman, and actually get away with doing a fair number of the things they tell their kids not to do. What does this knowledge do to a kid’s faith, when up until that time, the adults in their lives have been the embodiment of qualities like power and might and authority and love and right – all of the same attributes that are ascribed to God? It’s common and almost unavoidable for a young child to perceive of God as a human. The concept of God being beyond human – that he is spiritual and eternal and holy? That’s a new one for older kids to make sense of.
And here’s another change: older kids exercise more leadership over their own lives. Young children make very few meaningful decisions for themselves. But older elementary kids get much greater latitude to decide who they’ll be and how they’ll act and how they’ll spend their time. And this is good – it is the birth of autonomy, which will someday lead them into life as an adult, no longer dependent on parental oversight. (Some preteen ministry colleagues of mine refer to this necessary stage as “Letting Go of the Bike.”) But, one of the skills needed to handle autonomy is the ability to discern good leaders from bad leaders. “Who should I follow?” is a key developmental step – it is the art of self-leadership. Older kids and adolescents are bombarded with cues about “how to be”: social cues, academic cues, family cues, cultural cues, internal emotional cues. It’s bewildering. Obeying God is suddenly no longer as simple as just obeying Mom and Dad.
I believe that to minister (literally, to serve or to meet the needs of) this age group, we ought to encourage and allow kids to bring God out of the box, out from the packaging he resided in when they were young children, and to meet, experience, relate, and walk with him in a new way. I don’t dismiss childhood faith; but neither do I rest on it. Young kids, for instance, say some pretty cute things about God. But what 10-year-old wants to be known for the cute things he used to say when he was five?
So, can kids outgrow God? In an actual sense, no. Of course God is big enough for all of our lives, and is always several steps ahead of us. But in a practical sense, yes. If we’re not diligent to push kids to grow in their faith – just as we would encourage them at this age to grow in athletic potential or grow in knowledge or grow in new experiences – then their faith will be immature as they grow right past it. I can’t help but think of a 9th grade boy I once led in a high school small group. We had just met, but it was evident he was attending youth group in body only. As he explained, “I figure I pretty much know everything there is to know about God.” How wrong he was, and how sadly his life unfolded in the years that followed, when he reached the point of his greatest need, yet God wasn’t even on the radar screen.
I don’t know what exactly brought him to the point where he thought he “pretty much knew everything there was to know about God,” but I suspect the culprit may have been one of the following:
During the last eight years of overseeing 4th-6th grade ministry at NCCC, I’ve had the parallel experience of watching my nieces and nephews grow up from babies to preschool and elementary school-aged kids. Through holiday visits, Skype, Facebook, and home videos I have been able to glimpse pieces of their faith development, and it’s been fascinating. I’ve observed prayers, Sunday school programs and songs, heard some Bible stories retold, and picked up some nuggets that reflect their young understanding of God’s big world and their place in it.
At the same time, I've witnessed each developmental stage and phase, and laughed with the rest of my family as the kids move from one obsession to the next. Blue, Dora, The Wiggles, Elmo, Spiderman, cowboys, and the Disney princesses have all had their day. But soon, each is eclipsed by the next favorite thing, and the old hero gets passed down to the next-youngest sibling. At their houses, Santa Claus is still alive and well at Christmas time. But this won’t last forever.
My hope, of course, is that their curiosity, interest, and affinity for God as they grow up will never go the way of Elmo. And that is my hope for your kid as well. It’s worth asking the question: Can kids outgrow God? Can he lose his currency, becoming yesterday’s news, just at the time when kids begin facing questions like, “Who am I?” and “What was I created for?” and “What am I worth?” Too many adults attempt to answer those questions with the very author of life shunted to the sidelines.
We dare not let that happen.
Does God live in storybooks?
I am a fan of Bible storybooks for young kids. Our family had one, and I still can recall “what Adam and Eve looked like,” and the fierceness of God’s wrath represented by a red sky, and the wily Jacob fooling his father into thinking he was Esau. Of course, those weren’t true pictures, but some artist’s rendering. But to me, they were “real." Young kids, being concrete thinkers, receive and store those early impressions and images for a long, long time. (When I was four, I thought our pastor and God were one and the same - probably the reason I still, without thinking, picture God having a red beard and not a gray one.) The downside to cartoonish representations, though, is that they can lead kids to believe that “Bible stories” and “Bible characters” were fictional. This is a symptom of a larger phenomenon that kids face as they grow. Bible storybooks are not the problem (not even a problem).
The issue is this: are kids’ conceptions of God allowed and encouraged to grow as they do?
We – the churches that serve them and the families that raise them – hold the key to the answer. To the extent that we “create” their understanding of God by the stories we tell, the symbols we use, the holidays we celebrate, and the way we worship (and countless other ways), kids’ knowledge of God is largely dependent on us. I do not deny that young children think thoughts about God completely on their own, nor that they can enjoy an unmediated relationship with him without any help from us. But that relationship does not exist in a vacuum. It is always culturally conditioned by the expressed thoughts and attitudes of the adults (that is, the authority figures) who run their world.
And so, we are responsible, not only for creating a picture of God that is true in their minds as young children, but also for continuing to refine and update kids’ views of God as they grow. If we are diligent about giving them Jesus when they are young, but then back off as they grow older, we run the risk that as kids grow up, they’ll consider God “kiddie stuff”, a relic from early childhood.
We dare not let that happen.
A different approach
As a kid becomes a preteen (and there’s no defining criteria for that), their ability to think and reason abstractly will blossom. As it does, they reach a junction in the development of personal faith. The question usually takes a form like, “Is God really real?” but what they’re actually asking is “Is God relevant?” As the serpent tempted Eve – “Did God really say you must not eat from any tree?” – kids also want to know whether God belongs only to the simple world they’re growing out of, or if he has a place in the more complicated world of the future? And if so, what is it?
About this same time, kids come to realize that parents and other adults aren’t perfect, that grown-ups break promises, aren’t superhuman, and actually get away with doing a fair number of the things they tell their kids not to do. What does this knowledge do to a kid’s faith, when up until that time, the adults in their lives have been the embodiment of qualities like power and might and authority and love and right – all of the same attributes that are ascribed to God? It’s common and almost unavoidable for a young child to perceive of God as a human. The concept of God being beyond human – that he is spiritual and eternal and holy? That’s a new one for older kids to make sense of.
And here’s another change: older kids exercise more leadership over their own lives. Young children make very few meaningful decisions for themselves. But older elementary kids get much greater latitude to decide who they’ll be and how they’ll act and how they’ll spend their time. And this is good – it is the birth of autonomy, which will someday lead them into life as an adult, no longer dependent on parental oversight. (Some preteen ministry colleagues of mine refer to this necessary stage as “Letting Go of the Bike.”) But, one of the skills needed to handle autonomy is the ability to discern good leaders from bad leaders. “Who should I follow?” is a key developmental step – it is the art of self-leadership. Older kids and adolescents are bombarded with cues about “how to be”: social cues, academic cues, family cues, cultural cues, internal emotional cues. It’s bewildering. Obeying God is suddenly no longer as simple as just obeying Mom and Dad.
I believe that to minister (literally, to serve or to meet the needs of) this age group, we ought to encourage and allow kids to bring God out of the box, out from the packaging he resided in when they were young children, and to meet, experience, relate, and walk with him in a new way. I don’t dismiss childhood faith; but neither do I rest on it. Young kids, for instance, say some pretty cute things about God. But what 10-year-old wants to be known for the cute things he used to say when he was five?
So, can kids outgrow God? In an actual sense, no. Of course God is big enough for all of our lives, and is always several steps ahead of us. But in a practical sense, yes. If we’re not diligent to push kids to grow in their faith – just as we would encourage them at this age to grow in athletic potential or grow in knowledge or grow in new experiences – then their faith will be immature as they grow right past it. I can’t help but think of a 9th grade boy I once led in a high school small group. We had just met, but it was evident he was attending youth group in body only. As he explained, “I figure I pretty much know everything there is to know about God.” How wrong he was, and how sadly his life unfolded in the years that followed, when he reached the point of his greatest need, yet God wasn’t even on the radar screen.
I don’t know what exactly brought him to the point where he thought he “pretty much knew everything there was to know about God,” but I suspect the culprit may have been one of the following:
- Church programs for kids that were boring
- Church programs that too closely resembled school
- Programming that mistook fervor (“Scream for Jesus!”) for spiritual depth
- Adults who talked too much and listened too little
- Music intended to glorify God but that was too childish to work
- Too-simple, pat answers to his questions
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)