How do you raise kids who care about the world and want to make a difference? Whose Christianity isn't just words, but deeds? Taking them overseas on a mission trip is a powerful way to show them the real world...but it isn't the only way.
I'm a big fan of families taking mission trips. We've had several families from this church do that, and some of their stories are being compiled for a booklet that will be available starting next week called, "Mission: Possible!" These are encouraging, "can-do" stories of families who took kids - in some cases, young kids - out of the country on mission trips
In addition, this year's International Missions Fair event on Friday night (November 6) is once again designed for the whole family, with breakout sessions for adults & kids, and childcare for very young kids. Things get rolling with dinner at 6:00. (Reserve childcare for under 5 years old here.)
One of the breakout sessions is called "Embracing Adventure: Growing Missional Kids". It'll be a panel of some parents who've taken their kids out of the country, explaining what they did, how they did it, and how it impacted their family.
BUT...what if going overseas just isn't in the cards right now? As much as I want kids to taste foreign missions, I don't want our church or any church to communicate the message that only overseas service "counts". Of course, we want kids and families to be "thinking missions" anywhere they go.
But too often, that message - "shine your light" - gets flattened to just "be nice". And that's a shame, because "be good" and "be nice" isn't the gospel. They're part of the fruit of the gospel, but to equate Christian missions work with Random Act of Kindness Day or a character education rally really undermines the gospel's power.
The gospel's power is supernatural - it is not from ourselves, or willpower, or a determination to do better. The gospel's power is what enables us to give and behave sacrificially.
In what settings? At home, with our families? For sure! With co-workers or schoolmates? Yes! But also, among strangers - as a way of affirming that no one is a stranger, that we are all connected by virtue of having been made in the image of God.
Here, then, is my hope: that every family who calls our church their home will discover something they're passionate about, and invest themselves in that work together.
It might be related to homelessness, or healthcare, or companionship for elderly people who are lonely. Did you know that the city of San Diego has about 9,000 homeless people who sleep on the streets and in the parks every night?!? Or that there are families here in Carlsbad who can't afford Christmas? Or children in the foster care system who need safe homes?
Not every cause is a fit for every family. So how do you begin? You sample different things. As you do it, you watch your kids and listen to them. What's captured their heart?
We have started putting a display out on the plaza between services on weekends. It's a big potato chip rack, with a bunch of postcards hanging from the clips, all filled with ways that families can serve together. We want you to check it out, but more than that, we want your stories! Once you've found where you and your kids enjoy serving, we're asking you to e-mail us your story at ourstory@northcoastcalvary.org so we can share it with everyone else.
Maybe someday, it'll be you and your kids trekking overseas. International mission trips are hugely impactful. But don't feel guilty if you can't, and don't think of local service as any less valuable or "real" than overseas missions. Remember that before international travel became possible (the last 50 or so years), almost nobody was serving overseas. Only people who gave their lives to full-time missions service did that. For the vast majority of the church's existence, all missions were local. Christians in the Roman Empire started hospitals and charities because the need was there, right among them. When we serve locally, we carry on that legacy.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
Kids Need Mentors at Church (Value #4)
How great would it be for your son or daughter to be greeted at church every week by someone who knew them by name, cared for them, and was committed to helping them grow? If you answered, "pretty great," go to the head of the class. You understand Children's Ministry Value #4: Older Christians investing in younger ones.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the difference between head-learning and disciple-learning. Disciple-learning changes us, and is tied up in relationship, as the student emulates the teacher. We've long known that the relationship dynamic between teacher and student affects how learning happens. You don't remember every "bit" of information you were ever taught, but you do remember how that teacher made you feel.
Here's the truth - when one person is teaching another, pure knowledge transfer almost never exists. You have an attitude toward the content that's largely influenced by your attitude towards that teacher. Even when we get information from a book, there's still an author, and how you "absorb" that information depends on the style of the writing: is it clear? Is it moving? Is it boring? Can you detect the writer's passion? Or does it make you want to run away?
What does this mean for ministry with kids? It means that the character of the people we choose as leaders matters, not only because we want them to be good influences, but because how they are with kids affects learning. We need a broader understanding of "teaching". It's not just the process of telling. It's modeling, it's prayerfully shepherding, and it's and even listening. So anyone can be a teacher, and everyone is a teacher - whether they stand in the role we typically reserve for "the teacher" or not.
I wince when I hear people speak of children's ministry as "just childcare" for that very reason. Caring for kids is an awesome opportunity, and it needs to be approached actively, not passively. Same goes for when kids are "just playing". Nothing "just" about it! When a child freely plays, they give you a window into who they are. They're communicating, "Here's how to reach me!" And the mentor is the one who answers that call.
Mentoring in a church context isn't a program (although it can be). Instead, what it means is that every child who calls this church their home is known and has an older Christian in their life in addition to their parents who is looking out for them. That's why we're always on the lookout for people who will own that responsibility. It's teaching - but it's so much more. In mentoring others, we are emptying ourselves and offering who we are to them. It sounds cliche, but this is "being like Jesus" - not that we can execute a 3-point sermon in front of people, but that we can humble ourselves and join them on the journey.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the difference between head-learning and disciple-learning. Disciple-learning changes us, and is tied up in relationship, as the student emulates the teacher. We've long known that the relationship dynamic between teacher and student affects how learning happens. You don't remember every "bit" of information you were ever taught, but you do remember how that teacher made you feel.
Here's the truth - when one person is teaching another, pure knowledge transfer almost never exists. You have an attitude toward the content that's largely influenced by your attitude towards that teacher. Even when we get information from a book, there's still an author, and how you "absorb" that information depends on the style of the writing: is it clear? Is it moving? Is it boring? Can you detect the writer's passion? Or does it make you want to run away?
What does this mean for ministry with kids? It means that the character of the people we choose as leaders matters, not only because we want them to be good influences, but because how they are with kids affects learning. We need a broader understanding of "teaching". It's not just the process of telling. It's modeling, it's prayerfully shepherding, and it's and even listening. So anyone can be a teacher, and everyone is a teacher - whether they stand in the role we typically reserve for "the teacher" or not.
I wince when I hear people speak of children's ministry as "just childcare" for that very reason. Caring for kids is an awesome opportunity, and it needs to be approached actively, not passively. Same goes for when kids are "just playing". Nothing "just" about it! When a child freely plays, they give you a window into who they are. They're communicating, "Here's how to reach me!" And the mentor is the one who answers that call.
Mentoring in a church context isn't a program (although it can be). Instead, what it means is that every child who calls this church their home is known and has an older Christian in their life in addition to their parents who is looking out for them. That's why we're always on the lookout for people who will own that responsibility. It's teaching - but it's so much more. In mentoring others, we are emptying ourselves and offering who we are to them. It sounds cliche, but this is "being like Jesus" - not that we can execute a 3-point sermon in front of people, but that we can humble ourselves and join them on the journey.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Why Kids Need Friends at Church (Value #3)
There are a lot of reasons why the church experience for kids can't - and shouldn't - mimic exactly what adults are doing in "Big Church". And it relates to things kids need.
I think we adults forget how hard it is to be "the new kid" - yes, even in church. Most of us attend adult church with someone else. So from the moment we walk in the door, although we may be surrounded by a sea of strangers, at least we have that one next to us who we can talk to, relate with, and - let's face it - blend in with. When you're solo (as kids are if they don't know anyone), you stick out like a sore thumb - or at least you think you do.
It's where Christianity "happens": Let's face it - relationships are where the rubber meets the road for our Christianity. We can all talk a good game, but life is the real test: how will you act/think/do around other people? Same goes for kids. A bucketfull of "just right answers" isn't worth much if the truths behind those answers aren't lived out.
Just the presence of other people doesn't necessarily put our Christianity to the test. We can all play nice. It's once we call someone "friend" or "brother" or "sister" that we subject our lives to the test: if you or I change (or irritate each other), can we still dance?
Kids need a Crowd: To be sure, we aren't Christians because we hang out with Christians, or because we were born into a Christian family. But who we hang out with influences our identities. So - who is your kid hanging out with? Because they will become like them. I'm not of the camp that advocates strict separatism - that kids should only have Christian friends, and that all other kids are dangerous. But I wonder what kind of magic parents are expecting when their kid has no Christian friends? When all of your kid's friends are indifferent, if not hostile, towards God, what do you think is going to happen to your own kid's attitude toward spiritual things? That they'll stand on the truth, simply because it's the truth? Really?
I once had someone argue to me that youth groups were a bad deal, because her daughter had been negatively influenced by the kids she met there, and it turned her off to the church. Well, churches aren't perfect, and it's unfortunate that happened; but as a parent, making sure my kid was part of a church's youth group would be a gamble I'd be willing to take.
It may seem like I'm only really writing about older kids, and there's some truth to that. While young kids need the security of a pal or two at church, they probably haven't reached the critical juncture where they decide of "Christian" is going to be the identity they wear through adolescence and into adulthood. But be ready, because the onset of that stage comes quickly. When I ran our 4th-6th grade ministry, I would say, "When 4th graders hear about a special event we're running, they ask, What are we going to do there? and if it sounds fun, they'll come. But a 6th grader, on hearing about a special event, asks Who else is going to be there?" No friends = no way!
So let me stop dancing around a hard truth and be blunt: If your son or daughter doesn't have some meaningful peer relationships at church by the time they leave 6th grade, the chance of them hanging around a youth ministry is really, really small.
And in that regard, they're not that different from adults, who also need the security, the testing, and the identity that having like-minded friends provides. The thing is, as adults we get to choose our affiliations freely. Kids come to church because their parents bring them. So while it's great to have kids tell you they "had fun" and give you a few "points" they picked up from the lesson, probe a little deeper and observe what's going on: is your son or daughter building some lasting friendships at church? Believe me, it will pay dividends down the road - more than being Bible Quizbowl Champion.
Here are some pointers on making same-age Christian friendships happen:
1. Be consistent with your family's attendance. The more often kids attend, the more likely they are to get to know the other kids at church. And -
2. Be consistent with the service you attend. We're a large church. If you bounce among three services, and attend three times a month, your kid is only encountering the same group of kids once each month (and that assumes that kid is himself regular and consistent). That's not really enough to form a meaningful friendship with someone.
3. Ask your child, "Of the kids at church, who do you like to play with? Is there anyone you'd want to have come over after church some weekend?"
4. Meet the families of the kids your son or daughter identifies. Here's how. Tell your kid to ask their friend at church to wait until you come for pick up. If the friend's parents come first, train your child to say something like, "Hi, I'm ______________. I'm [so-and-so's] friend. My mom and dad want to meet you." Voila! Two families make a connection.
5. Come to a smaller, weeknight program like The Harbor. You'll meet other parents and your kid will interact in activities with other kids. Simply because of size, The Harbor program allows kids more freedom, and there's more kid-to-kid contact, which is an important ingredient in friend making.
- Kids need to move their bodies. So we sing songs with hand motions, and sometimes play games, and don't make them sit still for long periods of time. Adults are better at sitting in one place (but don't let that lead you to the conclusion that "kids just need to learn more discipline"; movement is essential to overall child development). (Although hand motions in adult church would be worth seeing.)
- Kids need to eat more often. Their stomachs are smaller, and their metabolism is higher. So we feed them a snack midway through the morning, while adults are able to wait until their next meal.
- Kids need help with a vocabulary they don't yet have. So we have to simplify concepts and explain adult-sized words. It doesn't always work to "just read the Bible" to them.
- And, kids need relationships with other kids at church. Why? A few reasons:
I think we adults forget how hard it is to be "the new kid" - yes, even in church. Most of us attend adult church with someone else. So from the moment we walk in the door, although we may be surrounded by a sea of strangers, at least we have that one next to us who we can talk to, relate with, and - let's face it - blend in with. When you're solo (as kids are if they don't know anyone), you stick out like a sore thumb - or at least you think you do.
It's where Christianity "happens": Let's face it - relationships are where the rubber meets the road for our Christianity. We can all talk a good game, but life is the real test: how will you act/think/do around other people? Same goes for kids. A bucketfull of "just right answers" isn't worth much if the truths behind those answers aren't lived out.
Just the presence of other people doesn't necessarily put our Christianity to the test. We can all play nice. It's once we call someone "friend" or "brother" or "sister" that we subject our lives to the test: if you or I change (or irritate each other), can we still dance?
Kids need a Crowd: To be sure, we aren't Christians because we hang out with Christians, or because we were born into a Christian family. But who we hang out with influences our identities. So - who is your kid hanging out with? Because they will become like them. I'm not of the camp that advocates strict separatism - that kids should only have Christian friends, and that all other kids are dangerous. But I wonder what kind of magic parents are expecting when their kid has no Christian friends? When all of your kid's friends are indifferent, if not hostile, towards God, what do you think is going to happen to your own kid's attitude toward spiritual things? That they'll stand on the truth, simply because it's the truth? Really?
I once had someone argue to me that youth groups were a bad deal, because her daughter had been negatively influenced by the kids she met there, and it turned her off to the church. Well, churches aren't perfect, and it's unfortunate that happened; but as a parent, making sure my kid was part of a church's youth group would be a gamble I'd be willing to take.
It may seem like I'm only really writing about older kids, and there's some truth to that. While young kids need the security of a pal or two at church, they probably haven't reached the critical juncture where they decide of "Christian" is going to be the identity they wear through adolescence and into adulthood. But be ready, because the onset of that stage comes quickly. When I ran our 4th-6th grade ministry, I would say, "When 4th graders hear about a special event we're running, they ask, What are we going to do there? and if it sounds fun, they'll come. But a 6th grader, on hearing about a special event, asks Who else is going to be there?" No friends = no way!
So let me stop dancing around a hard truth and be blunt: If your son or daughter doesn't have some meaningful peer relationships at church by the time they leave 6th grade, the chance of them hanging around a youth ministry is really, really small.
And in that regard, they're not that different from adults, who also need the security, the testing, and the identity that having like-minded friends provides. The thing is, as adults we get to choose our affiliations freely. Kids come to church because their parents bring them. So while it's great to have kids tell you they "had fun" and give you a few "points" they picked up from the lesson, probe a little deeper and observe what's going on: is your son or daughter building some lasting friendships at church? Believe me, it will pay dividends down the road - more than being Bible Quizbowl Champion.
Here are some pointers on making same-age Christian friendships happen:
1. Be consistent with your family's attendance. The more often kids attend, the more likely they are to get to know the other kids at church. And -
2. Be consistent with the service you attend. We're a large church. If you bounce among three services, and attend three times a month, your kid is only encountering the same group of kids once each month (and that assumes that kid is himself regular and consistent). That's not really enough to form a meaningful friendship with someone.
3. Ask your child, "Of the kids at church, who do you like to play with? Is there anyone you'd want to have come over after church some weekend?"
4. Meet the families of the kids your son or daughter identifies. Here's how. Tell your kid to ask their friend at church to wait until you come for pick up. If the friend's parents come first, train your child to say something like, "Hi, I'm ______________. I'm [so-and-so's] friend. My mom and dad want to meet you." Voila! Two families make a connection.
5. Come to a smaller, weeknight program like The Harbor. You'll meet other parents and your kid will interact in activities with other kids. Simply because of size, The Harbor program allows kids more freedom, and there's more kid-to-kid contact, which is an important ingredient in friend making.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Children's Ministry Value #2: Ministering to the Whole Kid
Shortly after I started in children's ministry 10 years ago, I began a hunt for the "magic bullet". I bought book after book and read reams of articles looking for "the answer" in children's ministry - the method or practice that, if applied with kids, would yield spiritual giants.
But my inquiry kept leading me to a not-simple answer: spiritual health seemed inextricably linked to overall health. People who were emotionally mature and well-adjusted were not necessarily spiritually well, but the opposite was surely true: people who remained emotionally immature had their spiritual growth stunted, too.
That's why value #2 in our children's ministry is Ministering to the whole kid. And it goes on to state, People have physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs. We don't isolate the spiritual just because "this is church"...because that's impossible.
People are whole, complex beings. Our various "-alities" bump up against each other: personality, sexuality, emotionality, spirituality, morality, physicality, mentality (intellect). And that complicates the problem of stimulating spiritual growth, doesn't it? I wish it wasn't true. I wish the answer was as simple as, "Do this and you'll get that." But if you're going to tend to one aspect of someone, you're going to have to take into account the others.
Here's how the various "-alities" might affect a kid spiritually:
In light of this, not only is it wrong to demand that kids leave the non-spiritual aspects of themselves at home (as if they could), but understanding the holistic makeup of a person presents great opportunities. Now, hanging out with a kid playing foosball before a service isn't a way to kill time; it meets a social-emotional need. Singing at the top of our voices and moving our bodies isn't just to rev kids up; it's to engage the physical self in worship. Respecting the fact that kids learn differently means we have to vary our methods; it also means we shouldn't be too quick to claim success just because we hear a kid give a pat answer or we've generated some group expression ("Scream for Jesus!" etc.).
We live whole lives everywhere else we go. When we send a message that church is only about "spiritual" things, we put people - kids included - into an impossible position: Deny those aspects of yourself that don't belong in church...yet be transformed by Jesus. An environment like that is highly artificial. It forces people to act, when we should be inviting people to be real - even if the real reality is really complicated and messy.
But my inquiry kept leading me to a not-simple answer: spiritual health seemed inextricably linked to overall health. People who were emotionally mature and well-adjusted were not necessarily spiritually well, but the opposite was surely true: people who remained emotionally immature had their spiritual growth stunted, too.
That's why value #2 in our children's ministry is Ministering to the whole kid. And it goes on to state, People have physical, emotional, social and spiritual needs. We don't isolate the spiritual just because "this is church"...because that's impossible.
People are whole, complex beings. Our various "-alities" bump up against each other: personality, sexuality, emotionality, spirituality, morality, physicality, mentality (intellect). And that complicates the problem of stimulating spiritual growth, doesn't it? I wish it wasn't true. I wish the answer was as simple as, "Do this and you'll get that." But if you're going to tend to one aspect of someone, you're going to have to take into account the others.
- Any coach knows that getting the most of his players (physicality) includes tending to their minds, not just their bodies. Players can "psych themselves up" or they can "psych themselves out".
- Adolescents who physically mature earlier tend to face challenges that typically-maturing peers don't. Because they look older, they can prematurely face decisions about sex or morals, which in turn have emotional consequences.
- Any teacher knows that if a student's physical needs (like hunger or sleep) aren't met, their ability to focus and learn suffers.
Here's how the various "-alities" might affect a kid spiritually:
- Personality - this is a broad category, and I'd put things like Learning Style and Spiritual Type and Mind Style and Multiple Intelligences and Love Language and Personality Type here, as well as introversion and extroversion. Think these things will affect the way a kid "is" in a church setting, or their "way of being with God" (which is one particularly intriguing definition I saw for children's spirituality)? You bet they will. Yet when we format church to be like school, guess who "shines" and stands out as "spiritual champions"? You guessed it - the kids whose personalities are suited for classroom environments.
- Emotionality - Because our emotions affect so deeply our self-perception, it colors our ability to love and be loved, to forgive and be forgiven. In fact, it's probably not overstating it to say that emotional self-regulation is probably the most important factor affecting our ability to sustain interpersonal relationships. And because those relationships - with parents, siblings, friends - are where we experience tangible expressions of love and forgiveness, they become proxies for our relationship with God.
- Morality - What happened the instant Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit? The Bible says their eyes were opened, they saw that they were naked, and they were ashamed. Our knowledge of right and wrong and our choosing what is right affects our conscience, which in turn makes us fear God (if we don't know the God of grace) or become endeared to him (out of appreciation for his forgiveness).
- Physicality - When we pray, we might stand up, or kneel, or spread out on the floor. Or, walk around. Why? Because our body posture affects our heart attitude. And if we are sick, or tired, or hungry, that will also impact "kids' ways of being with God".
- Sexuality - The main issue here is the message kids receive as they get older and become more aware of sex and their own sexuality - that is, their capacity as individuals to express themselves sexually. Will your kids get the message that "we don't talk about that" in church? Or that sex is dirty, and that good Christian kids shouldn't even think about such things? I hope not, because sex is a huge issue for a teenager, and they need to know that God intentionally created them with sexuality and that he cares how they deal with that.
- Mentality - How much does our brain development affect our spirituality? It has some effect, but not in the way most people think. We tend to think correspondence: the smarter (and older) you are, the more spiritually "advanced" you are. Not only does that not seem to line up with what Jesus said, it flies in the face of everyday experience: we've all had those moments where a kid's level of faith tops ours. Instead, what a more developed brain can do is spot and process the nuances of life: things aren't always fair, good guys sometimes finish last, people die. If the mind can reconcile this with what they know of God, a person grows in appreciation and wonder; if it can't, they face disappointment and spiritual drift.
In light of this, not only is it wrong to demand that kids leave the non-spiritual aspects of themselves at home (as if they could), but understanding the holistic makeup of a person presents great opportunities. Now, hanging out with a kid playing foosball before a service isn't a way to kill time; it meets a social-emotional need. Singing at the top of our voices and moving our bodies isn't just to rev kids up; it's to engage the physical self in worship. Respecting the fact that kids learn differently means we have to vary our methods; it also means we shouldn't be too quick to claim success just because we hear a kid give a pat answer or we've generated some group expression ("Scream for Jesus!" etc.).
We live whole lives everywhere else we go. When we send a message that church is only about "spiritual" things, we put people - kids included - into an impossible position: Deny those aspects of yourself that don't belong in church...yet be transformed by Jesus. An environment like that is highly artificial. It forces people to act, when we should be inviting people to be real - even if the real reality is really complicated and messy.
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Children's Ministry Value #1: God Matters Most
Values dictate what a person will and won't do. Likewise, in ministry, values define the boundaries of the playing field. They point us toward "success", so that if the values are upheld, we know we're on the right track.
In our children's ministry, we have a value that says "God Matters Most". This might seem incredibly obvious, but it's actually quite simple to lose focus - whether you're a children's ministry worker or a parent - and allow children's experiences at church to become about other things.
That's because we're human, and we spend a lot of time thinking about our needs. And yes, God cares about us - but we're not the center of the universe. God is. When we use church to preach other virtues, like being kind or trying hard in school or being a good sport or obeying your parents, but we isolate those things from the context of God and the life of God, we end up with some noble human teachings, with God as an add-on.
And when God becomes an add-on, he becomes optional. Have you heard of Sunday Assembly? Their mission is to help people live healthy, fulfilling lives, to serve others, and to help people connect to one another. In San Diego, members gather once a month for fellowship, songs, and a speaker. Kids go to a separate program to be taught lessons on morals and ethics, like making good choices, having healthy relationships, and valuing education and learning. Parent workshops include how to keep your kid safe from drugs. And they're starting a youth group, with free pizza and lasertag. They've organized service projects at the San Diego Food Bank, and make pastoral care available to people who need help or need someone to officiate at a wedding or a funeral.
In other words, Sunday Assembly has a lot in common with any church - except that it's not a church and professes no belief in any God. Sunday Assembly is distinctly for people who believe in this life and no other life. So despite all this common ground, it is not just another flavor of church. It's not even in the same category.
God matters. He matters in the sense that he preceded all of us and will outlast everyone on earth. As Christians, we believe the Creator enjoys some prerogative over the lives of His created ones. So it's not enough to gather kids and tell them nice stories and teach them good things if it remains all about them, and us, and God is merely alluded to in support of things everyone wants (kindness, sharing, peace).
Sadly, if you look at a lot of Sunday school curriculum, you'll see lessons that I call "Jesus-optional": you could remove all references to God or Jesus and substitute other illustrations and the point would remain the same - AND you'd have a lesson that would be entirely unobjectionable to a parent who was Buddhist, Muslim, Mormon - or Sunday Assembly.
That's a problem. In Galatians 2:21, Paul says, "I do not set aside the grace of God, because if righteousness could come to a person by their observance of the law, Christ died for nothing!" Well, Christ did not die for nothing, he died for you! And he calls you out of your own life, with its narrow and provincial concerns, into His life, which is an adventure.
Again I say: when God becomes incidental to the point of a teaching, we're peddling something other than Christianity. That's why the full value for our children's ministry reads like this: God Matters Most. Only God saves, and only God transforms. Kids must know God’s love for them and respond to it before they will submit to him.
Knowing God and accepting his offer of relationship precedes obedience. And submission precedes transformation.
But we're impatient! We want all the good fruit, now! So we dangerously short-cut the process, picking and choosing whatever Bible story or verse might "work" to make kids "good". But are kids really loving God? Are they knowing him? Are they encountering him, personally? Is their sense of wonder engaged, to the point that they begin to grasp that God is an inexhaustible being, endlessly fascinating and eternally satisfying?
I've heard the argument that young children can't grasp all of this. People trying to impress me will cite Piaget and tell me that "concrete thinkers" can only handle "do this" and "don't do that". My one-word response is: baloney. Kids, even young kids, can absolutely have spiritual relationships with God, communicate with him, wonder about him, trust him - and they do.
Leading kids to know God and be in awe of Him is a tall order. It's not easy. But we'll never get there if we don't aim high. Teaching kids to resist peer pressure and work hard in school and be nice to their siblings and be honest (and, and, and...) are things we all want. But God matters most. And if God, in fact, matters then teaching Him as anything less than the main thing is a crime. He's not only the basis of community and loving others and forgiveness and serving one another, He's intrinsic to those things.
In our children's ministry, we have a value that says "God Matters Most". This might seem incredibly obvious, but it's actually quite simple to lose focus - whether you're a children's ministry worker or a parent - and allow children's experiences at church to become about other things.
That's because we're human, and we spend a lot of time thinking about our needs. And yes, God cares about us - but we're not the center of the universe. God is. When we use church to preach other virtues, like being kind or trying hard in school or being a good sport or obeying your parents, but we isolate those things from the context of God and the life of God, we end up with some noble human teachings, with God as an add-on.
And when God becomes an add-on, he becomes optional. Have you heard of Sunday Assembly? Their mission is to help people live healthy, fulfilling lives, to serve others, and to help people connect to one another. In San Diego, members gather once a month for fellowship, songs, and a speaker. Kids go to a separate program to be taught lessons on morals and ethics, like making good choices, having healthy relationships, and valuing education and learning. Parent workshops include how to keep your kid safe from drugs. And they're starting a youth group, with free pizza and lasertag. They've organized service projects at the San Diego Food Bank, and make pastoral care available to people who need help or need someone to officiate at a wedding or a funeral.
In other words, Sunday Assembly has a lot in common with any church - except that it's not a church and professes no belief in any God. Sunday Assembly is distinctly for people who believe in this life and no other life. So despite all this common ground, it is not just another flavor of church. It's not even in the same category.
God matters. He matters in the sense that he preceded all of us and will outlast everyone on earth. As Christians, we believe the Creator enjoys some prerogative over the lives of His created ones. So it's not enough to gather kids and tell them nice stories and teach them good things if it remains all about them, and us, and God is merely alluded to in support of things everyone wants (kindness, sharing, peace).
Sadly, if you look at a lot of Sunday school curriculum, you'll see lessons that I call "Jesus-optional": you could remove all references to God or Jesus and substitute other illustrations and the point would remain the same - AND you'd have a lesson that would be entirely unobjectionable to a parent who was Buddhist, Muslim, Mormon - or Sunday Assembly.
That's a problem. In Galatians 2:21, Paul says, "I do not set aside the grace of God, because if righteousness could come to a person by their observance of the law, Christ died for nothing!" Well, Christ did not die for nothing, he died for you! And he calls you out of your own life, with its narrow and provincial concerns, into His life, which is an adventure.
Again I say: when God becomes incidental to the point of a teaching, we're peddling something other than Christianity. That's why the full value for our children's ministry reads like this: God Matters Most. Only God saves, and only God transforms. Kids must know God’s love for them and respond to it before they will submit to him.
Knowing God and accepting his offer of relationship precedes obedience. And submission precedes transformation.
But we're impatient! We want all the good fruit, now! So we dangerously short-cut the process, picking and choosing whatever Bible story or verse might "work" to make kids "good". But are kids really loving God? Are they knowing him? Are they encountering him, personally? Is their sense of wonder engaged, to the point that they begin to grasp that God is an inexhaustible being, endlessly fascinating and eternally satisfying?
I've heard the argument that young children can't grasp all of this. People trying to impress me will cite Piaget and tell me that "concrete thinkers" can only handle "do this" and "don't do that". My one-word response is: baloney. Kids, even young kids, can absolutely have spiritual relationships with God, communicate with him, wonder about him, trust him - and they do.
Leading kids to know God and be in awe of Him is a tall order. It's not easy. But we'll never get there if we don't aim high. Teaching kids to resist peer pressure and work hard in school and be nice to their siblings and be honest (and, and, and...) are things we all want. But God matters most. And if God, in fact, matters then teaching Him as anything less than the main thing is a crime. He's not only the basis of community and loving others and forgiveness and serving one another, He's intrinsic to those things.
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