Let me pose a blunt question: does your kid have Christian friends?
How many? Who are they? Do they have enough? And by "enough", I mean that your child will have the peer support to stand firm in his or her faith regardless of what gets thrown at them during the coming season of adolescence?
There are many reasons to have Christian friends - any adult Christian knows this - but the importance may not be evident to kids. After all, their non-Christian friends aren't evil and aren't necessarily bad influences. Therefore, it falls to a parent to ensure that a pre-teen kid is equipped and outfitted for the journey ahead - and spiritually supportive friends belong in that toolbox.
Here's the equation, very simply: If we want our kids to love God and stay loving God the rest of their lives...and if we believe church is an important component of that…then we should want our kids to enjoy coming to church…and Christian friends become a necessity. Or, from another angle: If we want kids to love God…but we recognize how little time they spend at church compared to, say, at home or with friends…then we have to recognize that church can only do so much to shape beliefs, attitudes, and habits…and Christian friends become a necessity.
This is the primary reason we do outside events - dodgeball, bowling, and soon, the sleepover. When we put on an event, yes, we try to be high on the "fun" factor. Fun is a kid magnet. But we have an ulterior motive. How great would it be if all of our kids had at least seven Christian peer relationships by the time they entered middle school? I would never suggest that kids or teenagers only associate with Christians - I think that's a poor witness. But if, at every event, your child was introduced to someone new, who became part of their "circle", and eventually some of whom became close friends - would that make the effort (ours and yours) of outside events worth it? You bet.
So here are some numbers that should interest you:
373+ Number of different faces who've come through the 4th-6th grade room since September
160 Average attendance on a weekend
55+ Number of schools represented since the start of the school year
The downside of our church's size (Will I know anyone? It's so big...) can be turned to a strength: there's a strong chance in a group that large that your kid will click with several others.
This weekend I gave the kids a picture of "standing firm" in faith: stones are easily kicked back and forth and out of the way, while boulders sit in place, unable to be moved except with great effort. Supportive friends add "heft" and weight to our faith. They keep us from wandering from where we ought to be.
Now ask yourself: am I raising up a stone, or a boulder?
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
The Price of Silence
Walk into almost any Sunday School in America and - if all is going according to plan - the students will be mostly silent. They're saying little - and doing less.
Is it any wonder most of our teenagers become sullen and won't talk to us, when they've spent their lives in educational institutions that routinely discourage them from speaking?
This ethic - that a classroom where things run right is one in which the students spend most of their time listening to someone else (usually an adult) tell them things is founded on the philosophy that learning = absorption. I don't buy it. Learning happens by doing, and the best evidence of learning is doing.
For example, at our new church construction site, we'd be pretty disappointed if all the construction workers did was sit around and recite figures from the blueprints. If we didn't eventually see some walls and a foundation, we'd start to wonder about the value of all that knowledge. By the same token, maybe the reason we've done such a poor job of transmitting a spiritual legacy is because our kids are never asked to do anything other than give facile answers to our questions (along the lines of "We should be nice to our brothers and sisters" or "We should read our Bibles every day").
In the 4th-6th grade class, we value activity. We value inquiry. We invite participation. If you ask your kid what they did in class and the answer comes back, "not much" or "I just sat there and listened," we really haven't done our job.
Learning happens when students are engaged, connecting new information to old and really thinking through answers. That's why our class uses a lot of questions. It's one thing to tell students what you believe. It's entirely another to have them explain to you what they believe, and why. It's in the process of aligning their thoughts and ideas with those of scripture that learning happens.
A noise-filled room is not the objective, but it's certainly a byproduct of a classroom that is doing what it should. Silence, on the other hand, is not golden - it's deadly.
Is it any wonder most of our teenagers become sullen and won't talk to us, when they've spent their lives in educational institutions that routinely discourage them from speaking?
This ethic - that a classroom where things run right is one in which the students spend most of their time listening to someone else (usually an adult) tell them things is founded on the philosophy that learning = absorption. I don't buy it. Learning happens by doing, and the best evidence of learning is doing.
For example, at our new church construction site, we'd be pretty disappointed if all the construction workers did was sit around and recite figures from the blueprints. If we didn't eventually see some walls and a foundation, we'd start to wonder about the value of all that knowledge. By the same token, maybe the reason we've done such a poor job of transmitting a spiritual legacy is because our kids are never asked to do anything other than give facile answers to our questions (along the lines of "We should be nice to our brothers and sisters" or "We should read our Bibles every day").
In the 4th-6th grade class, we value activity. We value inquiry. We invite participation. If you ask your kid what they did in class and the answer comes back, "not much" or "I just sat there and listened," we really haven't done our job.
Learning happens when students are engaged, connecting new information to old and really thinking through answers. That's why our class uses a lot of questions. It's one thing to tell students what you believe. It's entirely another to have them explain to you what they believe, and why. It's in the process of aligning their thoughts and ideas with those of scripture that learning happens.
A noise-filled room is not the objective, but it's certainly a byproduct of a classroom that is doing what it should. Silence, on the other hand, is not golden - it's deadly.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
What does it take to produce giving kids?
Can we teach kids to give away their money, even if we offer them nothing in return?
I want to believe that we can.
The background: Last September we allowed the kids to choose where their offering would go from among 10 causes. They chose four, and between the start of school and Christmas, raised a whopping $289. The kids were disappointed in themselves. Several quickly pointed out that if everyone brought a dollar a week, we would surpass our four-month total in only two weeks.
So when we then conducted the activity again, and the kids chose four new causes to receive their giving for the first half of this year, we added an element: the classes, together, needed to set a goal and brainstorm some things that would motivate and remind them to reach it. Many suggested fund-raisers. Others said there should be a competition. Others said prizes should be given to the kid who raises the most money.
Their ideas were imaginative, and well-intentioned. But if we do those things - is it still offering?
And so I ask, is it possible to teach kids to give away their money, even if we offer them nothing in return?
Can we produce the "cheerful givers" that God loves (2 Corinthians 9:7) not by incentivizing, but just by keeping the need in front of them?
And I'm talking about genuine giving, not an automatic, unthinking, oh-yeah 10% contribution. Tithing is a great habit - but these kids are too young for giving to be just "habit". They are just beginning to discover the value of money, understand the fact that it's scarce and that it gives people power and can corrupt them. They need to grapple with the place money has in their hearts and what, if anything, they're willing to give it up for - even if the only gain is the vague, warm sense that you've helped someone who needed it more than you.
Have a serious conversation about money with your kid. Where does it rank in their heart? Are they materialistic? Do they judge other people by their apparent wealth? What they say might shock you, but listen. And then teach them to give - but not with words.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your kid is to teach them how to be compassionate through firsthand exposure to people in need. In an hour's drive you can be amidst crushing poverty at the dump in Tijuana. In 15 minutes you can sit among the discouraged and hopeless at Bread of Life Rescue Mission.
I must close with an awful confession that speaks to why we must always keep needs prominent and visible.
In 2001 I had just moved to Washington, DC, and was having a discussion with some co-workers, one of whom wanted to raise awareness of the AIDS crisis in Africa. I told him it was Africa's problem. I was certainly a Christian at that time in my life. But my attitude wasn't at all Christlike. It wasn't that I didn't have a caring heart - it's that I didn't know what I should be caring about.
Can we teach kids to give away their money, even if we offer them nothing in return?
I want to believe that we can. We'll find out if I'm right.
I want to believe that we can.
The background: Last September we allowed the kids to choose where their offering would go from among 10 causes. They chose four, and between the start of school and Christmas, raised a whopping $289. The kids were disappointed in themselves. Several quickly pointed out that if everyone brought a dollar a week, we would surpass our four-month total in only two weeks.
So when we then conducted the activity again, and the kids chose four new causes to receive their giving for the first half of this year, we added an element: the classes, together, needed to set a goal and brainstorm some things that would motivate and remind them to reach it. Many suggested fund-raisers. Others said there should be a competition. Others said prizes should be given to the kid who raises the most money.
Their ideas were imaginative, and well-intentioned. But if we do those things - is it still offering?
And so I ask, is it possible to teach kids to give away their money, even if we offer them nothing in return?
Can we produce the "cheerful givers" that God loves (2 Corinthians 9:7) not by incentivizing, but just by keeping the need in front of them?
And I'm talking about genuine giving, not an automatic, unthinking, oh-yeah 10% contribution. Tithing is a great habit - but these kids are too young for giving to be just "habit". They are just beginning to discover the value of money, understand the fact that it's scarce and that it gives people power and can corrupt them. They need to grapple with the place money has in their hearts and what, if anything, they're willing to give it up for - even if the only gain is the vague, warm sense that you've helped someone who needed it more than you.
Have a serious conversation about money with your kid. Where does it rank in their heart? Are they materialistic? Do they judge other people by their apparent wealth? What they say might shock you, but listen. And then teach them to give - but not with words.
One of the greatest gifts you can give your kid is to teach them how to be compassionate through firsthand exposure to people in need. In an hour's drive you can be amidst crushing poverty at the dump in Tijuana. In 15 minutes you can sit among the discouraged and hopeless at Bread of Life Rescue Mission.
I must close with an awful confession that speaks to why we must always keep needs prominent and visible.
In 2001 I had just moved to Washington, DC, and was having a discussion with some co-workers, one of whom wanted to raise awareness of the AIDS crisis in Africa. I told him it was Africa's problem. I was certainly a Christian at that time in my life. But my attitude wasn't at all Christlike. It wasn't that I didn't have a caring heart - it's that I didn't know what I should be caring about.
Can we teach kids to give away their money, even if we offer them nothing in return?
I want to believe that we can. We'll find out if I'm right.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
A distinct name, a distinct approach for a distinct age group
Please, meet "Surge".
The 4th-6th grade ministry has a new name. In ancient times, a name communicated a great deal about a person, descriptive of their character or attributes. Surge, on the other hand, is, well, just a cool name. Really, that's it. No hidden meaning. What is significant, though, is that we have a new name.
We remain a part of PromiseLand, the children's ministry at NCCC. But for some time we've recognized that 4th-6th graders aren't kids...yet they aren't adolescents either. So, a distinctive name for a distinctive style of ministry to a distinctive age group. Surge was born.
So what's different about us?
One, we recognize that pre-teens are truly in an "in-between" stage (and if you haven't read "Tweens are Fast Becoming the New Teens" [link at right], now's the time to do that). So we don't minister to them as we did when they were children. Yet, they're not ready for (or desire) the heaviness that sometimes comes with youth ministry. And if I had to identify a crucial element in our ministry to (and your parenting of) this age, it would be "autonomy", a word that means limited freedom. I think the key to producing responsible, caring, smart teenagers and eventually young adults is to give them ever-increasing amounts of freedom and responsibility, while you maintain the boundaries and uphold accountability (you don't surrender - voluntarily or by their insistence - your right to parent). We grant them as much as they can handle. Sometimes it's too much. Other times they want more.
The vision of our ministry is to have the Biggest Dreams, the Best Discipleship, and the Most Care. In addition to continuing to uphold PromiseLand's core values, we have some values and things that make us distinct. They appear below, as well as on our ministry's webpage.
Ministry Values
1. The centrality and necessity of God. We believe it is God who saves, transforms and changes people. Kids must love God before they can submit to him. Change apart from a love for God is merely behavior modification.
2. Age-appropriate methods and content. Preteens are a distinct age group – they’re not little children, teenagers, or mini-adults. They think differently than they used to, but their adult reasoning capabilities aren’t fully developed either. Therefore, we value curriculum and teaching methods that meets this age group’s unique developmental level.
3. Inquiry and curiosity. We do our best to tailor the content of our class sessions to the interests of the kids. Kids learn when they wrestle with ideas, ask questions, and assimilate new information into what they already know. We don’t believe lots of questions indicates confusion or misunderstanding, but an eagerness to learn.
4. Same-age Christian relationships. We encourage kids to establish 7 friendships with Christians of similar age that will endure through middle school and high school. Much of our programming is designed to support this goal.
5. Intergenerational relationships. In addition to caring parents, kids need other adults who invest in them in an intentional way. Whether we intend it or not, kids will learn and draw conclusions about God based on what is reflected in the lives of Christian adult authority figures.
6. Granting kids autonomy. Students can only learn how to make good decisions when they are allowed to actually make decisions. We try not to do for kids what they can do for themselves.
7. Long-term perspective. Spiritual growth and formation is a long-term process. A central part of our job is to work with parents to train and equip kids to make the decisions that will change their lives.
Ministry distinctives:
1. Student-centered learning that is engaging and built around student needs and interests.
2. Active learning, in which kids learn by doing. Extended periods of passive listening are not valued.
3. Life application as the best evidence of learning, not recitation of rote facts.
4. Small groups in which kids are matched up with a caring leader and grouped by age and gender and in which the Word of God is applied to everyday life.
5. An emphasis on fun and friendships. Church should not be boring. We want kids to value their time here and to look forward to spending time with the other kids and adults in the ministry.
The 4th-6th grade ministry has a new name. In ancient times, a name communicated a great deal about a person, descriptive of their character or attributes. Surge, on the other hand, is, well, just a cool name. Really, that's it. No hidden meaning. What is significant, though, is that we have a new name.
We remain a part of PromiseLand, the children's ministry at NCCC. But for some time we've recognized that 4th-6th graders aren't kids...yet they aren't adolescents either. So, a distinctive name for a distinctive style of ministry to a distinctive age group. Surge was born.
So what's different about us?
One, we recognize that pre-teens are truly in an "in-between" stage (and if you haven't read "Tweens are Fast Becoming the New Teens" [link at right], now's the time to do that). So we don't minister to them as we did when they were children. Yet, they're not ready for (or desire) the heaviness that sometimes comes with youth ministry. And if I had to identify a crucial element in our ministry to (and your parenting of) this age, it would be "autonomy", a word that means limited freedom. I think the key to producing responsible, caring, smart teenagers and eventually young adults is to give them ever-increasing amounts of freedom and responsibility, while you maintain the boundaries and uphold accountability (you don't surrender - voluntarily or by their insistence - your right to parent). We grant them as much as they can handle. Sometimes it's too much. Other times they want more.
The vision of our ministry is to have the Biggest Dreams, the Best Discipleship, and the Most Care. In addition to continuing to uphold PromiseLand's core values, we have some values and things that make us distinct. They appear below, as well as on our ministry's webpage.
Ministry Values
1. The centrality and necessity of God. We believe it is God who saves, transforms and changes people. Kids must love God before they can submit to him. Change apart from a love for God is merely behavior modification.
2. Age-appropriate methods and content. Preteens are a distinct age group – they’re not little children, teenagers, or mini-adults. They think differently than they used to, but their adult reasoning capabilities aren’t fully developed either. Therefore, we value curriculum and teaching methods that meets this age group’s unique developmental level.
3. Inquiry and curiosity. We do our best to tailor the content of our class sessions to the interests of the kids. Kids learn when they wrestle with ideas, ask questions, and assimilate new information into what they already know. We don’t believe lots of questions indicates confusion or misunderstanding, but an eagerness to learn.
4. Same-age Christian relationships. We encourage kids to establish 7 friendships with Christians of similar age that will endure through middle school and high school. Much of our programming is designed to support this goal.
5. Intergenerational relationships. In addition to caring parents, kids need other adults who invest in them in an intentional way. Whether we intend it or not, kids will learn and draw conclusions about God based on what is reflected in the lives of Christian adult authority figures.
6. Granting kids autonomy. Students can only learn how to make good decisions when they are allowed to actually make decisions. We try not to do for kids what they can do for themselves.
7. Long-term perspective. Spiritual growth and formation is a long-term process. A central part of our job is to work with parents to train and equip kids to make the decisions that will change their lives.
Ministry distinctives:
1. Student-centered learning that is engaging and built around student needs and interests.
2. Active learning, in which kids learn by doing. Extended periods of passive listening are not valued.
3. Life application as the best evidence of learning, not recitation of rote facts.
4. Small groups in which kids are matched up with a caring leader and grouped by age and gender and in which the Word of God is applied to everyday life.
5. An emphasis on fun and friendships. Church should not be boring. We want kids to value their time here and to look forward to spending time with the other kids and adults in the ministry.
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