There are oodles of ministry conferences: denominational gatherings, conferences on church growth, small groups, worship, youth ministry, children's ministry, family ministry. But there has been little for those who work with that emerging age group known as pre-teens - until now. Just this spring I've been invited to two such conferences, a recognition, I think, of the importance of this age group to the church and the wisdom of investing in kids prior to middle school.
Last week I was privileged to be part of Forest Home's first-ever conference for those who work with pre-teens. And what I learned up on the mountain, in my encounter with 21 others who are engaged in the same type of work I am, is that we don't have all the answers, but we're all asking the same questions.
It seems the decision to separate out pre-teens from children at most churches is based not only on a recognition that 9-to-12-year-olds are physically and cognitively different, but that many kids at that age are beginning to tire of traditional Sunday school. We deal with a lot of churched kids, who grew up hearing Bible stories and watching Veggie Tales and who aren't too jazzed about watching yet another puppet presentation on David & Goliath. As the conference progressed, one common theme emerged again and again: how do we go deeper with these kids, to give them something they will engage with and use? How do we get beyond the pat Sunday school answers these kids are programmed to give and teach to the things they're thinking and talking about?
Children's ministries are beginning to recognize that a bigger and better show isn't necessarily the answer for this age group. We will reach them with authenticity, not showmanship. At the same time these kids are wired for the BIG and EXCITING, there's a part of them that's able to see through hype, and in their hearts they can recognize whether they're being managed or ministered to.
Many of the folks I met are beginning to write their own curriculum. I applaud that. If great teaching is that which answers the questions kids are already asking, how close can you come to that if you're just executing something out of a box? To give kids what they need you have to know those kids, and listen to them, and take them seriously; otherwise your program becomes incentive-laden as you try to convince kids to do and say things they really aren't inclined to do or say.
To "be shepherds of God's flock", we who are in leadership over kids - staff and volunteers - must know the population we're working with. While books about development can give us general guidance, the family, school, and neighborhood a kid inhabits are what define them personally. So what's going on in each of those environments? We need to know. You don't have to watch "Hannah Montana" to work with this age group, but you do need to understand what's appealing about her. You don't have to be great at video games or even like them, but you do need to understand why they're a draw. To deny those things is to deny kids' experience at a time when their individual identity is being formed. Kids at this age have by and large moved beyond the "eager puppy dog" stage where they'll do anything to please an adult; pre-teens want to grow up and they want to know why: why are you asking me to play this game, or sing this song, or answer this question? I can bemoan that from now to eternity, but the fact is, that's the kids we're dealing with.
Better to meet them at the point of their curiosity: You want authenticity? We'll give you authenticity. And I got the sense that nearly everyone gathered at the conference was eager to do that. So there is one church that is pioneering dedicated nights of worship - with kids! Another challenging kids and parents to pursue service projects, locally, nationally, and globally. Another giving kids important work to do within the church, so they feel connected to the larger body.
And leading these varied efforts is a patchwork of big-hearted individuals who really want to get it right. Some of the leaders I met work full-time specifically with pre-teens, as I do. But many more were responsible for entire children's programs while some were dedicated volunteers, moms and dads, who'd agreed to take on the pre-teen challenge on top of the rest of life. For two days we got to visit and compare notes and share best practices. I was thankful that this wasn't the kind of conference where an expert stood up and expounded on "the way" to do pre-teen ministry. I think it's so new, there are no such experts yet. In another 10 years, there will no doubt be conferences like that, and that'll be a shame. Because the key to reaching kids during a life stage where they are forging their individuality is to remain small and agile enough to meet individual's needs.
Right now we have about 35 weekend volunteers. We could easily use 15 more immediately. When the new building opens, who knows? We try not to assign more than 8 kids to one leader at a time. Even at that ratio I fear there are weeks kids come through the room carrying substantial burdens and no one gets the chance to sincerely ask, "How are you?" As North Coast Calvary gets bigger, the challenge for us will be to get smaller!
And to this end, one of the reflections shared at the end of the conference has stuck with me, that a ministry is a family (a subject I'll write about next week), and that families, to thrive, need to engage deeply with one another. To put it another way, churches need to approach this age group as a ministry, not a classroom. Perhaps the strength of what's going on in pre-teen ministry right now lies in the fact that this isn't the first rodeo for most of its practitioners: ministry leaders either have years of experience in children's ministry or youth ministry, and that knowledge and skill set has accompanied them to where they are now. For many, it seems they didn't choose pre-teen ministry so much as pre-teen ministry chose them. And now it's gripping all of us in a mystery no one's solved yet. I'm grateful for the wrestling, because out of it I'm confident will come a model of ministry that's not glorified children's programming nor jr.-sized youth ministry. Pre-teen is a frontier, and it's rewarding to be traveling through that space.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
