The Half-Man becomes a Full-On Christian

Don’t watch Two and a Half Men, the actor who plays the youngest character implored via video this week, despite the fact that us watching the show has made him a multi-millionaire – just not a household name. Ironically, Angus Jones may  be one of those stars whose name was hardly known until he was no longer a star. And we should stop watching because Two and a Half Men is filth, and no one who calls themselves a Christian can be on a show like that, and television is a tool of Satan to distract people from God.

The long-term effects of Jones’ diatribe are unclear – Will he lose his job? Will people actually quit watching? – but the short-term effects are quite clear, and predictable. Jones is being lambasted as a hypocrite, people who’ve never paid attention to the show are intrigued, and every controversial statement Jones’ pastor has ever made on anything is being laid bare for the world to lampoon.

Angus, why?

Why do Christians who gain a platform in the entertainment world (or in this case, someone who has a platform and becomes a Christian) do this? Answers range from “He really believes it” (in which case, why doesn’t he just quit the show?) to “He can’t hold back – let the chips fall where they may.” He’s not the only believer in the entertainment industry, and saying no gracefully to compromising or offensive material is a perennial issue for Christians in Hollywood. I can imagine it makes many of them sad to see this. After trying to establish Christians as people of character and conviction, Jones undercuts them in one interview, feeding the stereotype that Christians are maniacal and judgmental, holier-than-thou.

Now, it is true that Jones’ videotaped testimony was not meant for public consumption. So when he says, “Please stop watching it,” he’s appealing to a closed group – the Christians who are sitting through his hour long testimony. But really? Is he the only 19-year-old on the planet who’s unaware of how easily videos can be posted to the Internet? It’s pretty hard to believe – impossible, in fact – that he didn’t expect the whole world to see this.

Jones has (or at least, he had) a sphere of influence. In my estimation, he blew it. There will be some die-hards who defend what he said and think he did exactly the right thing in launching a full-scale frontal assault on his own show. They’ll call it courageous and say it’s about time Christians crusade against Hollywood.

Are they wrong? Well, tactically, yes. And that’s where your kid comes in. Your kids have a sphere of influence. They, too, are being asked to consume questionable or objectionable media material. Let’s estimate it happens, oh, daily. They pass it on (or not) via likes or shares on Facebook, by downloading and posting and pinning…when they talk about a video “going viral”, kids are often the engines of that, the “carriers” of the virus, facilitating the outbreak.

This is opportunity city. In fact, ask your kids, right now: If a friend were to send you a video that’s inappropriate, what would you do? (And I’m not talking about pornography; that one’s pretty clear-cut. I’m talking about scenes with innuendo, music videos or lyrics that are suggestive, dialogue that normalizes or jokes about marital unfaithfulness or premarital sex – in other words, the stuff people watch.) Then, ask them the more interesting questions: How would you know if something was inappropriate? and What makes some things appropriate or inappropriate? This could open up a fruitful dialogue about why, exactly, the things we see and hear affect the way we think and feel. (Really - go ahead and ask them; I’ll be waiting here when you get back.)

It’s rare to find a kid who would launch into a lecture of his friends about why a particular piece of media is inappropriate or “filthy” and why no one who calls themselves a good Christian would ever watch it or take part in it. And it turns out that instinct is correct! If Christians start speaking like aliens, people will soon regard us as – well – aliens. It’s the classic “in-the-world-but-not-of-it” dilemma. Are we called apart? Yes. Are we the salt of the earth and light of the world? Yes.

But what sometimes gets lost is that life is not about media choices. The substance of my life does not equate to the media choices I make. The significance of life is wrapped up in its design. Just as a table was meant to be a table, and its worth can be judged by its success or failure at that, human worth is entwined with the imago Dei, the image of God. And that means we always reflect the image of God – but each to a greater or lesser degree. Can you make someone care about that? I don’t know. But until they do, they won’t care much about the thoughts and ideas they take in. Or they will care, but it’ll be a misplaced concern because they think life is about scoring 100% on the naughty/nice exam rather than about growth and maturing and purpose and relationships and sanctification and knowing the heart and will of God.

So in a way, Angus got it right. But his execution was tone deaf. I didn’t know who he was before, and I’ve only watched Two and a Half Men a handful of times. I don’t need him to tell me that the content of the show is good, bad, or indifferent. He’s not a role model to me one way or the other. His rant only drew my attention to him: What was he thinking would come of this? We know that friendship influence – person-to-person, sustained, because-I-care-about-you – is what builds up and sticks when you’re trying to make positive change. But some future star saw what Jones modeled for them. And they too will abuse the platform they’ve been given, looking foolish and out of touch by going on the negative.

This Kid’s Got Talent. HIS talent.

Ethan Bortnick is an amazingly talented piano player. At eleven years old, he has played a worldwide concert tour, been on Oprah, and starred in a movie that will be released next year (oh yeah - he wrote all the music for that, too). He holds the Guinness World Record for youngest solo musician to headline a tour, an achievement that - his website boasts - beats out Michael Jackson, Gladys Knight, and Stevie Wonder.

So why am I not excited for this kid?

I’m not excited because behind all of his charm and stupefying skill I’m pretty sure there’s a machine, and the machine is run by a monster called profit. I mean, it’s possible that all of this was his idea. It’s possible that after he started composing music at age 5, he began to dream of opportunities for worldwide exposure and the advancement of his career. It’s possible that he woke up one day and said, “You know what? I need a website. And a publicist. And Twitter.” That’s all possible. But I doubt it.

What’s more likely is that there’s an army of adults behind this seeing dollar signs. Which is not to denigrate his ability. He’s a phenom – watch 30 seconds of him on YouTube and you’ll know that. He’s a phenom; but must he be a superstar? That’s the question that nags at me anytime I see an ultra-talented kid thrust into the limelight.

It even occurs to me from time to time when I encounter a moderately talented kid who locks onto a specialized interest at a young age. I get the benefits. It gives them a goal to achieve, it teaches them self-discipline and the value of practice, it “keeps them out of trouble” (as if idle, unstructured time in a kid’s life necessarily equates with “trouble”). It furnishes an identity and a ready friendship group to relate to. I get that. But I wonder, what’s the cost?

In Ethan’s case, his publicity machine – ahem, team – seems bent on convincing us that he’s “just a normal kid”, who “plays videogames until they call his name and he runs on stage”, who loves his parents and school and his friends, etc. etc. Yep, pretty normal – except for the part about appearing on Good Morning America and recording albums and writing film scores and meeting Elton John. Where is this headed? Lindsay Lohan was a pretty cute kid, too. So was Gary Coleman. And the Brady Bunch kids, many of whom battled drugs and alcohol and depression through their adult years. Show business is notoriously hard on child stars. (Macauley Culkin, anyone? Miley Cyrus? Cory Haim? The list goes on.) Which could be why Bortnick’s public persona stresses his “everyday kid” side (apart from the Guinness World Record thing, of course). I have a feeling the adults behind him want to assure us that he’s above corruption. No doubt they want to believe it themselves, as anyone whose train is hitched to this star stands to make out big.

I’m not predicting that early stardom will hinder his growth into healthy adulthood, and I’m not wishing for that. But is that even the point? Isn’t the bigger issue this matter of him achieving super-stardom on levels that are absolutely inaccessible to 11-year-olds? I mean, the kid’s got talent. And he can play Vegas and with Beyonce and on Oprah…but should he? When does kid-sized exuberance  cross over into adult-sized ambition, reaching the point where it’s ripe for exploitation and no longer about him?

Because the kid’s got talent; but it’s his talent. And with that comes the right to say no, something that’s very hard to do when sponsors and venues and promoters and fans are depending on you for output. Even if Team Bortnick is somehow able to keep him above the pressure and away from the business end of things, the fact remains that him producing and continuing to produce is the key to the whole enterprise. And that’s a little scary.

Just yesterday on ESPN, Sportscenter was showing clips of a nine-year-old girl who is dominating her (mostly all-boy) tackle football league in Utah. But...why? What is it in us that holds almost morbid fascination for extraordinary ability in kids? If this is an instinct (because “dog bites man” isn’t news, but “man bites dog” is), fine. But why must we publicize it? Because before we know it, USC will be recruiting her and we’ll all be locked into a decade-long reality TV-fest of “Sam’s Road to the Heisman”. Unbelievable.

Individual agency – the ability to exercise self-direction and be acknowledged as an autonomous being – presupposes choices. If kids aren’t able to say no, either because they aren’t given permission to, or because no is actually impossible, then we as adults aren't respecting them and we aren't taking them seriously. They’re not living lives so much as they are living out scripts dictated to them by grownups.

What if Ethan said no? Unlikely as it is, what if tomorrow he decided all the concerts, all the fundraising, all the recording were over, and he was done? Could he just go outside and play? No doubt some people would answer, “But kids need to be taught to keep commitments – that’s part of being a responsible grown up.” Yes, they need to keep their commitments – the ones they make and choose. Force your kid to play out the football season? You bet – assuming they knew what they were getting into at the start and freely chose it. Make them persevere through music lessons or other challenging skill-based activities? Up to a certain level of proficiency, sure.

But kids need exposure to lots of different activities. They need to try lots of things, some of which they’ll excel at and others of which they won’t. And since time is limited, that means they need to have the freedom to stop doing some things in order to take up other things. Because it’s not likely that, like Ethan Bortnick, they’ll sit down at the piano at age 3 and play Mozart by ear, launching them on a fast track to fame. Come to think of it, thank God for that.

It's Time to Talk

We must be the most over-communicated-to people in history. Remember the early days of the Internet, when "I've got e-mail" was spoken with awe? Now it's usually accompanied by a groan. Nearly every day, I'm checking three e-mail accounts, two voicemail accounts, and a text-to-email thing from Google - plus Facebook. I sometimes value vacations just because it means I'll have less information coming at me.

With no shortage of information, who decides what gets our attention? We do...sort of. But are we as in control as we think we are? I ask this today (Friday) as I've been evicted from my office because we're getting new carpeting. The phones are unplugged and I'm working in the hallway - and yet every time I hear another phone ring, my instinct is to drop what I'm doing and answer it.

In other words, there is a conditioning process that determines what gets our attention, so that over and above all the noise coming at us, there are some messages that have a way of getting noticed. That's why you can rest assured that when it comes to kids and the Internet, two types of messages are getting through: messages about friends (i.e., social networking) and messages about sex (because as the old advertising saying goes, "sex sells").

The best defense against this - sometimes the only defense - is a good offense. It's called a "filter". Filters can be external or internal. When it comes to kids and the Internet, we need to develop both. Filters work by recognizing threats and mounting defenses against them. When it comes to your standard Internet browser filter, that process is relatively automatic: certain words trigger the defense, and the block goes into place ("This page is unavailable"). The goal in developing your kid's internal filter is this: first to develop that as a conscious process, and then, for the conscious process to become unconscious.

In order for it to happen consciously, kids need to know there is a danger, and recognize the danger, and know why it's a danger. And then they need the skill of redirection - do I turn it off? Ignore it? Click away? Tell someone?

For instance, when a kid encounters a threatening or bullying message on Facebook, they have a choice: do I respond? And if so, how? When they receive an e-mail from a stranger, do they delete it? Report it? Do they label it as spam? Do they even know how to do that? What if they receive a strange link, in an e-mail with an intriguing or suggestive subject line? What's the right thing to do?

Can kids really do this? The answer is, they'd better! Because automated Internet filters will always be imperfect. They'll either shut out legitimate content, or they'll miss things they should catch. The only sure-fire method for blocking harmful Internet content is to not be on the Internet at all. And I don't know many families who are willing to go there! And would that even solve the problem? The Internet is in schools, in libraries...and on their friends' handheld devices.

So while I endorse the use of filtering software and technological restrictions by parents, I cannot recommend that your precautions end there. The "second line" needs to be developed, and that's the defense that resides inside of them. Think it's as simple as knowing "good" from "bad"? For a young child, that's probably enough. But as a kid's understanding of the world grows in sophistication, their understanding of how to fight needs to keep pace. Those elements, again, are knowing there is a danger, recognizing the danger, and knowing why a particular thing is a danger.

Danger to what? Danger to our ability to grow toward God-ordained maturity; danger to our ability to grow into real people. Real people understand who they are, who God is, the difference is between us and God, and consequently, our need for him. A warped view of sexuality, an unhealthy dependence on technology, and the inability to navigate problems in relationships all threaten our journey toward becoming real, healthy people. And all of these things can come from misuse of the Internet.

So, it's time to talk. We have some experts coming in to talk to you, so that you can in turn talk to your kids. "The Online Sexual Minefield: Keeping Your Kids Safe" is up first, next Wednesday night (Nov. 7) at 7 pm. Cory Anderson and Treina Nash, both licensed marriage and family therapists, bring back their helpful and informative presentation on your kids, sex, and the Internet. It's totally free of charge, we'll care for you 4th-6th grade kids (junior high and high school groups meet on-campus that night), and you'll walk away with a ton of information.

The second event will be the first Wednesday in December. On the 5th, we're hosting a training event on how to use "Passport to Purity," which is a kit put out by Family Life. The CDs and journals are meant to help parents construct a fun, meaningful weekend with their preteen and initiate all kinds of conversations about growing up. And it works! The night will be led by moms and dads who've used the material, who can guide you and encourage you on carrying on the program with your son or daughter. Pre-ordering the kits is optional, you can do that here. But, you are also welcome to just come to the night to see what it's all about, free of charge.

I'm glad for technology (obviously; I blog). But it's created a need for all of us to become just a little smarter than the tools we use. We want to make you aware, so you can help your kids be aware. And remember that constructing the filter is a process - it's not one conversation but many. The events November 7 and December 5 are meant to start you in the right direction.