My worst subject in school was probably PE. I was curious and liked to read, so the demands of a traditional classroom played to my strengths. But I could - and did - make all kinds of excuses why I didn't do well in PE: I was shorter than other kids, we weren't playing my favorite games (i.e., the ones I was sure I could win at), I always ended up on the weaker team, and that old childhood standby - "the other team cheated".
Truth is, I was a sore loser. And because of that, I came to dread and resent PE. But years later I came to understand the real reason I wasn't a star when it came to PE: I completely misunderstood the point of physical education itself. Turns out it's not to become a star athlete, nor to win, but to develop an appreciation for exercise and how to use your body.
To be fair, I don't think most kids understood the point of PE either, which is why it always threatened to devolve, particularly in Junior High, into a survival-of-the-fittest melee. But it wasn't for lack of trying. Our elementary PE teacher, Mr. Fritel, ran a tight ship and methodically planned games and exercises for us designed to develop hand-eye coordination, build muscle strength, gross motor skills, etc. - everything that a good physical education program should do. He taught us how to juggle, how to climb ropes, and how to jump. He started a jump rope show team that would practice before school and perform at basketball halftime shows. Some tricks were simple, and others impressive and complex, like jumping rope while belted to a pogo stick.
Still, all of this skill development, wonderful as it was, got eclipsed by competitiveness. As a result, I didn't want to play any sport that didn't come easy to me, because I might not win. Today, hyper-competitiveness also causes young athletes to drop out of sports they genuinely enjoy, just because they can't make "the cut". When a kid loves a sport, and then ends up turning away from that sport and from all sports in general, we have a problem.
Which brings us back to PE: its real purpose is not to delineate winners and losers, but to instill in kids a hopefully lifelong love of physical activity. Likewise, the real purpose of church for kids is to cultivate in them an excitement, a wonder, and a love for God. Simple as that. It's not to separate smart kids from non-smart kids, or to win attendance awards, or to be the fastest at finding Bible verses. If your church upbringing was filled with those things, let's be honest: some kids liked that stuff, but a lot of them hated it, too. And where are those adults now?
There are all kinds of reasons young adults walk away from churches. It isn't all the fault of unpleasant church experiences when they were kids. But some of it is, and some of it stems from our penchant for identifying "winners" and "losers" in church, when in fact, winning isn't the point at all. Competitiveness in church becomes a problem when it causes kids to think they aren't "good" at church, and when it whips kids into a frenzy that takes their eye far off the ball. No team or kid should get booed at church. But can we really blame kids for acting that way if we've cultivated a "just win, baby" ethic in church?
If kids grow up without exposure to physical activity, or if that activity is tainted by too much competitiveness (causing some to conclude, "I guess I'm just not good at this; it's not for me."), the habit of being active will not take root. In the same way, if church experiences aren't focused on enjoying God and the fellowship of other Christians (and discovering what there is about God that's actually enjoyable), those habits won't take root, either.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
