We've Never Even Met

Get this: since the start of the school year, we have had about 400 different kids come through our doors. They have come from more than 40 different schools. On any given weekend, we see 130-160 of them. We are a big ministry trying to stay small.

With that many kids coming from that many schools and many of them not attending that often, do you think connectedness is an issue in our ministry? You bet.

And our Christmas party painted the best picture of that. When the kids gathered for the talent show, it was interesting to observe the size of the groups they sat in: a few clumps of sixes and sevens, which is great. But far too many twos and threes, even some kids sitting alone.

As a leader who has gotten to know many of these kids and their personalities, it pains me to see this, and sometimes puzzles me as to how to fix it. One thing we've done in our room is start the "Interest Wall" and the "School Wall". If you haven't seen these, please, come in on the weekend and take a look. The School Wall is a big map of where all the kids go to school; the Interest Wall is a place where they can post their photos according to their five favorite hobbies. Kids eagerly scan the walls each weekend to see themselves and others with like interests.

The other factor working against us is the reality that over commitment, other commitments, and split families stand in the way of regular church attendance: on any given weekend, about 50% of our kids were in church the previous weekend; the other half were not. What this means for us is that if we're going to achieve connectedness by the time they reach junior high, when social consciousness slips into high gear ("Who am I going to sit with?" "What if I don't know anybody there?" "I don't want to go to church - none of my friends go."), we have our work cut out for us.

So, helping kids build Christian friendships is a major focus of our ministry. But this anonymity is at work on another level, too. I've been with North Coast Calvary Chapel since November 2005 and I am still meeting parents for the first time. Part of this is due to the fact that I'm pulled nine different directions on Sunday mornings and don't really have a chance to talk unless I'm answering a question or addressing a problem. But more of it relates to the segmented nature of a large church. You ride together to church as a family, part ways when you reach church, and join up again when it's time to ride home. What happens in between isn't a shared experience, despite the fact that everyone was "at church". Our children's ministry mission statement speaks of assisting parents...but most of us have never even met! And I accept much of the responsibility for this - we really haven't reached out to you in a significant, intentional way.

That needs to change. For one thing, parents are often the best resource for other parents. Empathy is great medicine. We do harm when we put on the "happy family" face and by our silence unwittingly communicate that we aren't struggling in our families. I've met many great parents and often wished that we could have a forum for pooling the expertise and skills that are out there. We also have some families with real needs - single parent families, military families with a parent on deployment, families living away from extended family networks. And in our church body are the people who could meet those needs. But how do we bring these folks together?

The good thing - no, the great thing - about a large church is the variety and extent of people resources that are in our midst. The bad thing is that we can attend the same church for years and never know who each other are…because we've never even met.