The past few weeks have been a time of transition in our ministry. Yet it didn't really hit me until this past weekend. Third graders - soon to be fourth graders - are so...little! They're kids, in every sense of the word. Did you know that a 10-year-old's body and heart are in such proportion that they are naturally constituted for physical activity - which explains why they can go and go and go?
But get ready. With this newsletter, we are welcoming them and you, their parents, to the world of (gulp) pre-teen ministry.
This is Hitting Home. We send out this newsletter, and a link to this blog, by e-mail every week to 4th, 5th, and 6th grade parents to keep them in the know about what's going on in "their" ministry at NCCC. We've found that paper handouts in class don't often reach the attention of the parents for whom they were intended. So in the newsletter you'll find info & links on all of our upcoming events. But, just as a good ministry is more than just "a bunch of stuff to do", we want this newsletter and these blogs to be a ministry to you.
It doesn't take a genius to understand that the home environment can make or break a child spiritually. Your influence is that profound. Yet for all the lip service paid in the American church to the idea that "parents are the primary disciplers of their children", there's an almost insurmountable wall that's been constructed between adult and children's ministries (also sometimes unfortunately known as "big church" and "childcare"): moms and dads come to church and do their thing, while children's ministry does its thing, and never do the two meet.
We're working to change that. For one thing, it's impossible that in one hour a week, we're going to get very far personally impacting a child. Now I don't discount the effect a strong leader can have on a child, even after only a few encounters. And yes, churches have resources at their disposal (the lights! the music! the excitement!) that allow us to create an environment you can't approach in your living room. But - and this remains true from the moment your child is born until they leave home around 18 (unless you surrender the responsibility) - parents are the most consistent, persistent, and willing influences in their child's life, bar none.
Consistent - Only a parent is in a position to spend the amount of time and enjoy the amount of access to their own child that they do. There is powerful influence that comes with being the last person they see when they go to bed at night and the first they see when they wake up in the morning. No one else has known your child intimately from the day they were born, and can attest to their growth and development like you can.
Persistent - No one else gets the chance for as regular an amount of contact, and therefore influence, on your child as you do. Again and again you are in a position to help them make sense of life, to learn from failures, to develop character.
Willing - No one loves your child more than you do. No one cares more over the long haul. Few would make the sacrifices you would, and have, for your kid.
Those are ideals. Not every parent participates as consistently as they ought to, or is as persistent as they might be, or sustains the will to be the necessary influence. But the reason that's a shame is that when a parent does assume those roles, nothing can supplant them. To put it another way, a parent stands at a position of unique potential, and to step into that role and fulfill that potential is to answer the call of duty of parenting.
Peers are not the most willing, persistent, and consistent influences in your child's life, not now or when they're teenagers...unless you let them assume that position. School is not the most willing, persistent, and consistent influence...unless by virtue of the lack of parental input or interest, the only guidance and wisdom a child receives comes from there. TV and movies are not the most willing, persistent, and consistent influences in your child's life...unless you've ceded family and personal time so much that Hollywood gets to be the chief determinant of norms and values in your child's mind.
So in view of this, our role is clear: we are about helping you step up to the role that has rightly been reserved for you, and helping you do it really well. This blog is written weekly by me, a guy with no special training and who is himself not a parent, but who brings 14 years of working with young people in a variety of contexts to the table, along with an understanding that any church program that aims to transform children without reaching into the home is overestimating its own efficacy.
So along with the "here's-what's-going-on news", this newsletter and blog are primarily about opening two dialogues: one, between you and your child (which is why we include weekly discussion questions that are based on what your child experienced in class on the weekend), and the other, between the church and you. We are happy to share resources and are working hard even now to develop programs for parents that are responsive to the issues facing 21st Century moms and dads. Please tell us - what are the greatest challenges in raising children, pre-teens, and teenagers, and how can the church best serve you? We don't want to succeed in spite of parents or in place of them, but because of them.
So, welcome. Explore the links. Learn about pre-teens. They're a great bunch. And let's make a weekly date to meet here.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
