If you're new to this site or the newsletter that links to it, what you're reading is an important part of our effort to bridge the common, and frankly inexcusable, gap that exists between parents and the church. Parents and churches have a relationship based on trust, but it's curious because often neither one knows what it is being trusted to do. For instance, take the common refrain, "Parents are the primary disciplers of their children." That's ok as a philosophy, but it doesn't tell me anything about how you feel about it. Do you relish it? Feel under-equipped? Overwhelmed and under-motivated? Find it interesting? Rewarding? Dull? Maybe you feel as if you don't have enough of a foundation yourself to pass on to your kids, especially if you weren't raised in a Christian home. Maybe you just don't think about it at all.
And from our side, too, the assumptions don't always match the reality. You may wonder: what exactly do they do in there? Are my kids learning? Are they behaving? Who is working with them? If we invest our time in this, will it be worth it?
This blog started in January 2007 along with its companion, the half-sheet HomePage which gets handed to kids on their way out the door each week, in order to establish a line of communication between our ministry and the parents of the kids we minister to. For my part, I wanted parents to know what kids were learning, and see if couldn't provide a little fodder for discussion in the hopes that each kid could have another go at thinking and verbalizing about the subject of that weekend. I was also tired of hearing, "We would have come to that - if we had known" - which confirmed my suspicion that most of the paper handed out in class never gets into the hands of the people who really need to see it. And, finally, I wanted to communicate to you as parents that we think seriously about issues regarding spiritual development of children and teenagers.
But the measure of our success does not lie in establishing mechanisms like these. Blogs and e-mails are only a tool, and even if they were read and heeded fully and regularly, we still could not claim "success" because ministry is about more than turning kids out for events or bringing them back Sunday after Sunday.
So what is success, and how do I try to orient the 4th-5th-6th grade ministry towards it? For starters, I am driven by the compelling statistic that 70% of kids raised in the church walk away from their faith as young adults. That is simply not good enough. And so, obviously, the ultimate measure of our success has to be how many kids are in love with God and remain in love with him all of their lives. I have never been comfortable with a conception of children's ministry as a place where "foundation" is laid, where knowledge is merely "banked" for later access. I believe the argument that "hopefully someday it will make sense to them" is a cop-out. I believe kids and pre-teens and teenagers can have a vibrant, life-giving relationship with the Lord right now, and that in fact, if they don't have that there will be a real price to pay.
What this means, of course, is that "success" with a kid is a slippery thing to measure. You may succeed over one school year, but five years later, that kid has drifted away. A kid may be super-cooperative and participatory on a given week, and be a pill the next six weeks. A young girl may be sweet and pleasant, but there are circumstances in her life that are hardening her heart - look out, because the crash is coming.
What I am saying is that we - as churches and parents of pre-teens - must assume a very long-term perspective because these are, after all, human beings who will live long lives and be influenced in countless ways and hopefully also be influencers for good. They are not just the project of the moment. We should capitalize on the period of direct impact we have on them but also realize our responsibility is life-long. So, I'm not only interested in the answers they give today but also the answers they'll give when they're 16. Who they say Jesus is today matters some, but who they say he is when they're 20 matters much more. If I ask them to articulate what they value and God makes the top five, that's great, but I'm also concerned about where he ranks over the next ten years.
Much of this, I know, depends on these kids staying "in the process", and so, the more 6th graders who move up to Junior High and stay involved, the better. And then in two more years, I'll have my eye on the number who successfully transition into high school. Beyond graduation, they'll need to find their own fellowship and growth environment, something we in churches have done a poor job preparing them to do. Of course, a huge factor in their future spiritual vitality hinges on who they choose to date and ultimately marry. 4th-6th grade is too young for them to get that, so I have to hope that it gets taught and internalized when the time is right.
Whether a kid walks with Christ and continues that walk is ultimately the only thing that matters. Badges and star charts do not. Screams and shrieks of excitement fade. Laughter is good, but humor doesn't transform. Everything we do must point kids in the direction of a relationship with Christ, or we are spinning our wheels.
In service of that long-term goal, here are some short-term ones:
- Can kids work with others, cooperate toward a common goal, persevere together, resolve conflicts among themselves, and share credit while refraining from blaming or alibis?
- Do the kids exhibit a progressively deeper curiosity and sense of awe about spiritual things? Kids are naturally curious - what are we doing to help answer the questions they're already asking, and to stimulate new ones?
- Do the kids display genuine respect and affection towards their leaders? I know when a leader is making an impact when kids ask where they are on weeks that they're gone.
- Are the kids excited about being together? Do they have a group of peers at church who are becoming friends?
- Do kids' answers to questions evidence a growing sophistication of thought (something we definitely notice in the spring of the year, when everybody in our room is the "oldest" they'll be before promotion)? Can they go beyond one-word or pat responses to express spiritual truths or their personal beliefs?
Finally, here are some things we as a pre-teen ministry believe:
- That ministry approaches must be age-appropriate and relevant to be effective.
- That learning is an active, constructive process. I cannot transplant my own understanding into their brain, but I can walk alongside as they gain understanding, to help shape it.
- That pre-teens are understudied, under-resourced, little understood and as a result, often inappropriately ministered to.
- That parents are eager for practical help in parenting kids in this age group.
- That the spiritual life is nurtured primarily through the home, and that church ministry can be a supplement, but not a substitute.
Long-term perspective in so very important in ministry to kids. Rome wasn't built in a day, and your kid won't reach spiritual maturity just by knowing a bunch of right answers. So, settle in for the long haul. Get your kid to church every week, enroll him or her in as many outside activities as you can, help them build a network of Christian friends (now), and let's do ministry together.
