The week that ended October 31 was the annual "Red Ribbon Week", during which schools conduct anti-drug and violence programs and ask students to wear red ribbons symbolizing their desire to be "Drug Free". The observance has been around since 1986, which means it was born in the era of Just Say No and D.A.R.E. and other noble attempts to keep Generation X and the kids who followed them away from drugs. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about their effectiveness - that isn't the point of this essay. The point is to ask in all earnestness: the kids who remain drug free - who are they?
We know who the drug users are. Potheads. Stoners. Druggies. Dealers. Or, in some schools, the popular kids, the in crowd, the A-list, cool. There is an identity, sometimes desired, that attaches to drug use: an entire subculture has grown up around marijuana, that has its own music, clothing, magazines, slang, and even religion. There is an extent to which drug use can make somebodies out of nobodies, which in part explains its appeal. Despite popular anti-drug appeals, not every teenager who uses is addicted. Quite a few recreational users choose their habit because it is part of who they are.
No such identity awaits kids who carry through on a pledge to be "drug free". Many is the kid who willfully preserves him or herself into high school, only to find that an identity carved only in opposition to vices isn't much of one at all. We are perhaps too optimistic about the value of remaining "free" of things, be they drugs, or alcohol, or gang involvement, or sexual activity. "Virtue is its own reward," we are told, but is it? Virtuous teens are often lonely teens, because the number of like-minded peers is so few. Using drugs or alcohol in many communities that lack teen-friendly environments is a past-time, giving kids something to do. A college student, interviewed on the prevalence of binge drinking on campuses, spoke the truth when he observed that if a student didn't go to parties, they'd never meet anyone.
When I began working with kids 15 years ago, I was a "good choices" guy - my desire was to see kids make positive choices and pro-social contributions, and sports was the avenue by which I would lead them. People who promote "good choices" have great intentions. But there has to be something more for kids.
Drug Free? Yes - but for what? Motivational talks about setting goals or achieving your dreams typical accompany the "say no to drugs" message, the implication being that if kids fall into drug abuse, they'll never be the next Bill Gates, or Steven Spielberg, or Barack Obama; drugs destroy dreams. Which is good - as far as it goes. But here, a Christian mind must pause and ask if personal achievement and fulfillment - the plans of man - are really the destination, and the rationale for sobriety. We are obligated to help our kids answer the question, "If I stay drug-free, then what? What do I grow towards after I have resolved to keep myself away from?"
Of course, to a Christian the answer is obvious. We are created - destined if you will - for the glory of God, set on a course to be transformed and remade, set apart, cherished by God and privileged to have personal knowledge and experience of him. This does require the submission of our will and subsequently prompts us to marvel again and again that God debased and limited himself for us, so that we could enter a relationship where He is pleased to allow us to draw 100% of the benefit while he suffers all of the cost. That is truth worth living for, and to the extent that drugs mar our journey toward wholeness and realization of the godly intent, they are a great evil.
That is the message, and the contribution churches everywhere could make toward projecting a positive vision of kids' futures: say "no" to drugs at the same time as you are embracing "yes" to life, and life to the full. It is also a reason churches must resist, kicking and screaming, any attempt to equate our work with "character education". We are not character education, and we sell kids short in churches and in Christian schools when we stop at that. Our job is to promote the spiritual life - its personal, social, and vocational dimensions - and anything less than that will not do.
Christian parents likewise must aspire to more for their children than that they will be good. Kids don't want to be good, even less so as they get older. It really isn't until young adulthood that "goodness" (or we might also say "virtue") is valued at a peer level, and even then, virtuous people are often sneered at or looked down upon as suckers, too simple to know how to take advantage of the system, too pious to let loose and have a little fun. Good doesn't sell, nor should it. What's worth passing on is a version of life that has God at its core and the adventure of connecting with him as its purpose. Ask yourself: would I be satisfied if my child left home at 18 a moral person, but indifferent about God? I hope not.
So how's this for a parental ambition: pray tonight that your child will one day (sooner rather than later) consciously and willfully exist for the singular purpose of enjoying God. Then pray that God will use whatever is necessary to bring them to that point. I dare you. This is a goal for them that is astonishingly simple, dramatically bold, and that blows drug-free out of the water. It takes faith to pray like that. But even before that, it takes churches and parents who are united in vision, who believe they have a mandate to do more than keep kids cloistered and unstained. If we don't dream big dreams for our kids and communicate that to them, we may be surprised how quickly they'll regard our pleas for goodness as irrelevant.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
