It's a paradox of youth and churches: the longer a kid is involved, the harder it often is to keep them motivated and interested. The same "senioritis" that infects 12th grade students often sets in as kids reach the end of their respective age-level ministries. Sixth graders can't wait to move up and out to junior high; 8th graders are anxious for high school; 11th and 12th graders, with nothing to move on to, will sometimes just get bored and drop out. Couple this with a troubling statistic about junior high students and the Bible, and the need to build a case for continued ministry involvement is apparent.
What keeps adults coming to church year after year is continued growth, or perhaps the way church relationships enrich their lives, or in times when they struggle, perhaps just a sense of obedience. For kids, it's different. Kids live in households, and don't drive, and largely don't keep their own schedules. Their presence in our churches is driven largely by some adult who perceives it to be necessary.
So, how necessary is it, once kids have learned the basics? Plenty.
For one, kids need continued church involvement because they are rapidly developing. While it's true that we continue to grow and change throughout our lives, we don't change as much as, say, between ages 8-16 - which is why no church puts third graders with high schoolers. Instead, we recognize that at different age levels, kids have distinct needs. As a result, ministry to one age level isn't more necessary than to another age level.
Secondly, f we measure "what we do" merely by "what is taught" - that is, the facts and stories transmitted - then a student could, in fact, get "done" with church. They would just have to master the material presented. But if we accept that churches ought to do more than just transmit content from teachers to students, then it is more accurate to say that kids can outgrow our ministries, but never be done with church.
What, then, is that "more" that we are delivering, beyond mastery of Bible content? What is the rationale for ministry at the preteen level that is developmentally geared and distinct from, say, first grade or junior high or college group? Why do we do preteen ministry as something for preteens, and not just as a version of elementary ministry with older kids?
This week I want to focus on one "why", which is Belonging. At this age, friendship groups become more a part of who kids are. The number and frequency of overnight stays increases, the number of teams and clubs to which a preteen belongs is greater than when they were younger, and they begin to carve out an identity apart from their parents. I'll write about identity formation, which is the second "why", next week, but for this week let's focus on the groups that will help define a child's self-concept. That is, if I'm on the soccer team, I am a soccer player. If I make the cast, I am an actress. If I belong to the boy scouts, I am a boy scout.
Think about your child's affiliations. To where and to what do they belong? Can you see how they derive a sense of identity from that? And have you witnessed that identity fade when the season or show or activity ends, when they aren't in contact with a particular set of kids anymore?
Now think about how kids come to belong. They sign up, usually. They might pay a registration cost or be issued a uniform. They are assigned a specific role. They are taught the rules, and the lingo. They get to know and become known by the others in that group. And in time, a __________ (football player, dancer, artist, skater, or whatever) is born.
When it comes to church, though, we are missing a few of the elements that would otherwise constitute belonging. There are no sign-ups - you just show up. And our church doesn't have formal membership. There's no fee to join (but would we value it more highly if there was?). And deliberately, there is not a special language or set of rituals that serve to separate insiders and outsiders. What remains, then, to belonging is the relational component: knowing others and being known.
Which is why it is so imperative that you do what you must to get your child to church every week. In my experience, there simply is no better way for kids to become known than regular exposure to their peers at church, weekend in and weekend out. We don't get drafted into churches for our skills or past accomplishments, so those can't accelerate our belonging. Church is just a place where we are expected and allowed to be. Being = belonging. When we fall out of the habit, or find other things to do, we lose closeness in our relationships at church. The group grows on without us.
A significant reason to have a distinct preteen ministry is to give kids an environment to belong in, and small groups to belong to. You want kids to say, by the start of their junior high years, that going to church feels like home. That is almost completely a function of the amount of time spent among peers at church. And, unlike the fatigue that settles in from hearing the same Bible stories over and over again, belonging works the other way - the more connected-in we feel, the more we desire to build and grow those relationships. We find that routinely as kids become comfortable in our classroom, their attentiveness slips. Why? Because suddenly the classroom is about more than hearing a Bible message and answering questions. It's still some of that, but it also becomes a place where kids know other kids, and are known by leaders. This is a good thing. People never outgrow that.
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
