This week I am going to lay out the best case I can for why, as your son or daughter heads into the brave new world of no-longer-children's ministry, they need to become deeply and meaningfully involved at the junior high level. When kids leave 6th grade, they turn a corner in their church life, so that regardless of their level of participation to this point, their involvement takes on a fresh imperative. My wish is that in two years, we'll be contemplating together how we might keep them involved as they transition to high school ministry.
But first, the task at hand. Your graduating 6th grader needs to stay active in church. There are a lot of reasons this might not happen.
One is the sense of "been there, done that" that sets in around middle school when young teens make it a point to leave childish things (Legos, Pokemon, public hugs from mom or dad) behind. Another is their growing desire to control and direct their own lives, including affiliations. Still another is the surefire way in which our culture conspires against teenagers to indoctrinate them into the apparently very grown-up ethos of "too much to do; too little time." Schools, sports teams, employers who like inexpensive labor, and a society that fears the delinquency that will surely break out if kids have too much free time all do their best to transform 12-year-olds into 22-year-olds who are hooked on adrenaline and dependent on caffeine, who are sleep deprived and irritable, who eat garbage and don't exercise enough - it's a real trap. There is too much to do. But, the pressure this creates to produce and turn inward rather than to engage in some spiritual community where you are invited to serve others and just be is formidable. Yet another reason kids "drop out" is because they genuinely don't know anyone, and who wants to feel out of place when you're 13?
So yes, a lot of reasons may stand between your son or daughter and a church in the next two years. But as it turns out, each of those constitute part of the case for you, as a parent, to ensure your son or daughter's future involvement. Here's why:
Early adolescence - roughly corresponding to 7th and 8th grades - is a time of profound change in kids, second probably only to the first two years of their lives, when they learn - well, everything. Neurologically, the brain is experiencing unprecedented development from birth-2, which makes proper stimulation and nurture essential. But, the brain changes that happen at puberty are no less important, and they are not a myth. It's too easy to look at an adolescent's moodiness or their inflated sense of self or their newfound boldness in challenging authority and chock it up to "hormones". What is happening instead is that they are transitioning into a whole new way of thinking - from concrete-style thought that has trouble handling abstractions, to analytical thinking that can problem-solve and theorize and make good, informed judgments about things.
What happens, though, if the religion they were taught as children - when they thought like children - isn't refreshed, if students don't get a chance to take apart and re-examine and even (gasp!) question what they know to be true? The answer is that religious knowledge stays where it was learned, in childhood. It's kid's stuff. So the first argument for the necessity of your son or daughter's involvement in junior high ministry is cognitive - their minds are ready for and need re-instruction in the faith, now that they're thinking differently.
Abstract thinking also allows us to pursue greater self-knowledge. The ability to see things from others' perspective is a wonderful gift, but in adolescence it gets morphed into a false belief that we are the center of everyone else's world and that they're all watching me! And who am I? The potential for an "identity crisis" grows. Not every adolescent faces full-scale crisis. But all of them have to answer the questions for themselves, of who I am, and what's unique about me, and what are my goals and values. "I" as an entity becomes so important because kids can see what happens to others who are admired or shunned; they want to emulate and appropriate as many of those "winner" qualities as they can.
Identity formation, then, is a second important reason to have your kid immersed in a junior high ministry. You want your kids, as they grapple with questions about who they are to have familiar contact with older Christians who've navigated those waters. Exposure to merely "good role models" isn't the same thing, and it isn't enough! In fact, much of what the culture values in the self-made man or the independent woman is contrary to what we ought to be growing toward: we are dependent beings, made in the image of God, under his authority, experiencing redemption from a fallen nature that is more than we can bear on our own.
And as kids seek out a positive identity, they will certainly look to the crowd to find some affiliation. Adolescent crowds and cliques offer safety against exposure. If I find a group of people who are all different in the way I'm different, or weak where I'm weak, or who dress the way I dress, at least I don't have to answer for myself alone. Socially, you want your adolescent to positively identify with others in their youth group: that's my crowd. That doesn't mean they withdraw from outside activities, but that there exists in their world a group of kids who are being taught to value what is "true...noble...right...pure...lovely...admirable...excellent or praiseworthy" (Phil. 4:8). Everyone is being nudged in the same direction. You want your son or daughter to jump into that current.
There you go - cognitively, personally (as a matter of identity formation), and socially, a 7th grader needs the support that a church youth group can offer. This is the first group of 6th graders who entered our program in 4th grade. Before that, we were just a 5th & 6th grade ministry. It has been a privilege to watch them grow up over three years' time. Sixth grade parents, thanks for your support of our program. I hope your family continues to place a priority on the spiritual development of your sons and daughters.
"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:36
Info, articles, and thoughts for parents of kids at North Coast Calvary Chapel.
