Who's On Your Kid's Team?

See also Part 1 of this series: A Big Job Ahead,
and Part 2: It's God's Work.

"Let's stay away from those kids until they're 18 before we begin winning their hearts and minds" ...said no marketer, ever.

A number of years ago, the African proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child" re-entered public consciousness. Unfortunately, because of who the speaker was, the comment became a lightning rod for criticism and the phrase got tainted with political meaning. But call it what you will - a village, a team, a tribe - your kid needs one, and here's why.

As the "ecology" described by John Westerhoff (the interdependent network of institutions that propagated and nurtured Christian belief and values) eroded, what took its place was not nothing. Every society of every time period is governed by values. Today, we value choice, individualism, convenience, speed, quality...things which work against Christian spirituality and growth. And you don't have to consciously choose those values - just by living in 21st-century America, you absorb them!

This pic does not represent the culture we live in...

The point is, our lives are lived in the river of culture, not the lake. A lake is calm and peaceful. You can bob endlessly or float lazily on your air raft and never really go anywhere. But a river has current. Just trying to stay in one place takes effort. And moving upstream? It'll wear you out.

...But this one does!

Meanwhile, let's not forget that there's a team - no, an army - of people wanting your kid to buy into American consumer culture. The marketers have not taken a hands-off approach to your kid. Hollywood has a vested interest in winning your their hearts and minds at a very young age. Those who dictate style and fashion are not shy about telling your son or daughter what's stylish and fashionable. People who traffic - in sex, in drugs, in culture - are not conspiring to stay away from kids. Their very existence depends on getting your kid hooked.

Who's helping you paddle upstream? Who's in the village surrounding your kid? By "village" I mean the network of supportive adults and influences that are alongside you and your kid.

Is Miley Cyrus in the picture? Do you think she's working for your kid, or against them? How about the professional athlete your kid looks up to? The older kids at the skate park? Other kids' parents? Teachers? Coaches? They might be paddling your direction, or they might be shoving your kid into the current. But they're not neutral.

That's why you can't do it alone. And let me be clear what "it" is. In the past few years, it's become trendy for churches to assert that "parents should be the primary disciplers of their kids." Some have even gone so far as to advocate abolishing church youth and children's programs, claiming that scripture only supports "family-integrated" churches. It's a bogus distinction, because this is God's work. We don't own it - not parents, not churches. God's work, in the lives of God's kids. We are merely tending, not creating.

And an important part of the tending is creating an atmosphere (or environment, or village, or world - choose your favorite) that fosters growth by inclining your kid in the direction of God. Culture creation is a team sport. (Unless you are the exception. Great. But that doesn't mean someone else doesn't need you to be on their support team for their kid.) Who's on your kid's team?