Guest Blogger: "Just Who Do You Think You Are?"

“Alright, young lady! Just Who Do You Think You Are?”
By Karen J. Lucas-Howard

Have you ever asked your daughter that question, with an annoyed facial expression and a disapproving tone because you thought that she had overstepped her bounds? I have. But, there came a time when I asked the same question in a different way—with a sincere interest in her answer and a hopeful curiosity as to whether she had been asking herself similar questions and had become acquainted with who she is – her personality, her likes and dislikes, her strengths and weaknesses.

When my two teenage daughters were pre-middle school and middle-school age, I spent a lot of time driving them and their friends to sports activities, school field trips, etc. My dual role as chauffeur and chaperone gave me the opportunity to be the “fly on the wall.” Barely noticed by the girls, I had a front row seat (literally) and felt privileged to be able to infiltrate this secret society without having to take on the giggling, shrieking and overly dramatic persona of the average pre-teen. The price of gasoline (much cheaper then, but would still be worth it today), plus the effort and physical energy it cost me to shuttle them here and there were small prices to pay for the chance to listen to their endless and unfiltered chatter.

The conversations went from simple to funny to interesting to impressive to weird (e.g. “Would you rather dip your head in a pot of boiling oil or wear your skin inside out?”) At any rate, I realized that there was a common thread in most of their discussions. These were all very good, sweet girls who came from families that cared about them and taught them good values and morals. Yet, even though they all went to church regularly and they all went to Christian school daily, their ideas were significantly influenced by the culture.

My husband and I monitored what our girls read, the music they listened to and the programs/movies they watched. However, it concerned me that even the seemingly “innocent” G-rated movies, Disney radio music, Nickelodeon TV shows and advertisements were constantly bombarding kids with wrong messages and blatantly trying to dictate their choices and their thinking.

The culture constantly defines and redefines “the new look”, “the new sound”, “what’s in”, and “what’s out”. Girls are distracted and stressed as they try to keep up with the changes, and they often pay little attention to whether or not they really like the new look, sound, etc.--setting themselves up for a life-long habit of blindly going with the flow. Even worse, many girls resign themselves to the fact that they are not worthy because they know they will never fit the profile of the culture’s description of ‘cool.’ The messages that kids absorb from society are many and often escalate into the realm of immoral and destructive.

I was determined to counter these messages, and as a mom I believed it was my responsibility to teach my girls to think for themselves! I wanted them to: 1) look for the message that’s being conveyed; 2) determine what their personal “true” feelings were; and 3) MOST IMPORTANTLY compare the message and their own thoughts to what God says about the issue—understanding that our ideals and behavior should correspond with God’s instructions!

For parents (especially moms) who want to begin or continue their own counter-culture campaign, I recently published "Just Who Do You Think You Are?", a bible study/activity book for girls 10 years old and up. In the book, three fictional girl guides take the reader on an adventurous tour of YOUston. Through fun activities, humor, and scriptures girls are encouraged to see:
a) their own hearts-- discover their personalities, opinions and interests;
b) the hearts of others—learn important principles that help them effectively relate to others;
c) most importantly, the heart of God--to understand a simple and practical definition of sin and God's gift of salvation through Jesus Christ, and that the Bible is an instruction manual that addresses every aspect of life.

I encourage each mom to take this initial journey with her daughter by completing this book as a team. Undoubtedly, moms will learn new things about their daughters, and I hope that the experience will give girls a chance to see their moms as mentors, allies and cheerleaders.

STEAM is sponsoring a 6-week workshop based on the book, “Just Who Do You Think You Are” for 4th-6th grade girls AND their moms. It begins Wednesday, March 4, 2009 at 6pm. During the first 45 minutes, moms will have to chance to meet, socialize, and pray with other moms. Girls will join the class at 6:45 to work through the materials. For more information call Joy Beidel at (760) 579-4130 or e-mail joy@northcoastcalvary.org. Cost of the class is $15, and each pair who registers will get a copy of “Just Who Do You Think You Are”. You can also order additional copies at Amazon.com.